Our Gotcha Day - Tuesday, June 11

Today began as any other summer day... woke up, hit the gym, came home.  Then I began all the last minute preps for what would be the biggest event since our wedding - our Gotcha Day! I think my previous blog gave a brief overview of what went on so I will try to go into more detail now.  

     We responded to a Bethany recruitment email about two and a half weeks ago about a baby that was already born.  She was small and needing a family.  We read through, discussed, and decided to go for it.  So we responded yes.  Then we got a response saying we were one of 10 families who were interested.  We received more info on the baby's medical status and the mother. Once again, we read, discussed, and I just felt this tugging.  I knew this was the one.  Now, I will say I still had doubts.  There were some things we were concerned about and I was worried.  But I just knew we needed to say yes.  I still didn't think that meant we were getting her, but I knew we should say yes.  So we did! We received an email saying we were one of 5 families.  They would let us know when the mother chose.  And so life went on.  I began our last week of school, enjoying time with the kids and my coworkers.  All the while waiting, really I totally expected to get the email that said a family had been chosen.  I have come to some realizations over the last week through all this.  I have always trusted God's plan.  I didn't necessarily like it, but I trusted it.  I still struggled though with the idea that God answers prayers and God has a plan.  It didn't make sense to me that he would have a plan but He would answer your specific prayers.  Well, let me tell you. I have realized that God's plan may not be set in stone.  These are just my thoughts, so keep that in mind.  But when we got the phone call Thursday that the birth mother had chosen us AND she had already signed the papers, I was like "HALLELUIAH!" That is EXACTLY what I prayed for.  And I realized that God does answer our prayers, but He does it in a way that will work the best for His plan.  I am probably not saying this the way I hear it in my head, but I am trying! 

     So anyways, we found out Thursday and by Friday we were able to start visiting her in the hospital.  She was moved out of NICU into the regular nursery.  We went up for a couple of hours each day through the weekend until yesterday.  Then we signed the placement papers and attended a CPR class today.  The sweet nurses at the hospital took such great care of her and of us when we were there.  We came home this afternoon and Kaylin got to meet her grandparents on both sides, her Uncle Matt, and her Aunt Melissa and Brooks.  There are so many people eager to meet her and get some loving and we are so excited to share her.  She is amazing and adorable and we are so very blessed.  We will continue to thank God every day for everything we have been through that led us to this day.  I know the trials aren't over... we have just entered a new phase of trials and adventures and we look forward to all of them!

The phone call that changed our summer-- written Sunday

As I wrapped up the school year this week, my mind was racing with all I needed to do to finish and all I needed to do to get summer started! Each summer I do some tutoring and host book clubs for my former students to keep them reading and spend more time with them.  Then on Thursday (June 6), I got the phone call that would change all those plans.
     I will give all the back story later, but for now I just want to share the good news :) Our social worker from Bethany called to tell me that a birth mother had chosen us to be parents to her baby.  Not only that, but she had already signed relinquishment papers!! This was what we had been praying for.  The baby was here, the papers were signed, and there was no going  back! It was the best, weirdest feeling.  I got to tell Mark that we were chosen and we talked through some of the information.  The baby had been born premature a month earlier.  She was in the NICU and the next 24 hours were spent with me finishing up school with my kiddos and us getting things in line to go visit our baby!
      The hardest part of the whole thing was the waiting.  It is now Sunday and we we have been up to see the baby twice.  She is in the regular nursery and she is doing so well.  We are trying so hard to keep a lid on the news.  We have shared with our families and a few friends, but part of what we are looking forward to is letting the families and friends know about baby Kaylin but just showing up with her!
     Kaylin is currently 5lbs 7oz and she is eating all on her own.  She was born May 5 and weighed 3lbs 6ozs.  So she is gaining weight so well.  Yesterday they took out her feeding tube and she has to keep gaining weight through the weekend.  If she does well, they can discharge her Monday or Tuesday.  And then the fun begins :-)
We can't wait to introduce everyone to Kaylin Lee Mixon.  I will end this blog entry by saying that God is so good.  After all we have been through, I have prayed and prayed for us to get a baby that was already here, papers signed, and that is just what God gave us.  What an amazing Lord we have!!

These are the days of our lives

     Many of you like to keep up with what is happening on our journey and I often have absolutely nothing to report.  But in an effort to keep you all in the loop, I do have a story to share.  We got a call from our attorney's office last week and they had a birth mother they wanted us to meet.  You can imagine I was beyond excited to see that 864 number come up on my phone.  I spent the next few minutes getting all the details, writing them down so I could make sure to share them with the hubs correctly, and then making the call to him.  He said was talking 90 miles an hour, but you know how excited I was.  I proceeded to hit the gym and give him some unprecedented time to think without me staring at him.  When I got home, we agreed that we were definitely interested in meeting the BM.  I called the office manager back and gave her the news.  She said the next step was to work up the budget for us so we would know what to expect financially.  The next day she called to tell us that the cost would be $25,000.  This was the tip top of our budget, but we said we were still good.  The weekend came and we looked forward to setting up a meeting.  On Sunday, the sweet lady called back to tell me that the cost was actually $30,000.  We were going to be paying for several months of living expenses.   You can imagine how Mr. Logical reacted.  The next 24 hours in our house were tense, stressful, and just plain yuck.  I just felt like I couldn't say no and Mark felt like we couldn't afford to say yes.  After several discussions, Mark finally said it was up to me.  So I called the attorney's office and talked with the lady M.  M said she would talk to the Ray and see if they could get the budget down.  I didn't even know this was an option!! So by the end of the day, we had figured out some things that would make this affordable for us.  Meeting time and place was set, all we had to do was feel comfortable with the BM and her with us and it would be a match!
      Tuesday we head up to Greenville to meet the BM.  Ray gives us the "there are no red flags at this point, but you know how this can go" speech.  Oh yes, we know how this can go! So we waited --- and waited --- and nothing.  She didn't show up.  She did not even show up to meet us.  They apologized for having us drive up there and then this happening.  We got in the car and drove on home.  By the time we got back home, all I could do was laugh.  Seriously.  A no-show.  Evidently we have a sign over us that says, "Hey, please jerk us around, we can handle it!"
      Anyways, we still have not heard why she didn't show up and truly, it could be anything.  Part of me worries that something happened to her.  Her situation was pretty sad, so it is possible that not showing up wasn't her fault.  But she was also young and early in her pregnancy, so it is also possible she just ditched us.  Whichever it is, we have to believe that the Lord has something better planned.  In the meantime, we continue to be a source of humor for Him.
     And for those of you who are wondering, we are fine.  No tears were shed over this.  It was exciting at first, but it didn't work and that's okay.  The good things to come from all of this include the fact that the attorney tried to match us with someone already and it has only been two months, we have certainly garnered more sympathy in that office than we had, and we have yet another story to share with our friends and others.
     This road has been long, bumpy, and tough.  I just continue to pray that the end of this journey is coming, whether that is with a baby or the peace of mind that we were meant for other things.

The waiting, oh the waiting!

The hardest part of the last few months has been the waiting.  Weeks go by with nothing new to report.  At the point when we finally do get our baby, I won't know what to with myself when I am not waiting for something.  But then, I guess I will have shifted my waiting to something else.  Anyways, I have been really happy with the lawyer so far, you know, with the obvious exception of a lack of baby. :-) But really, working with Ray's office has been so easy.  They helped critique our photo book and make it appealing to birth moms.  They have emailed us to introduce themselves and just made us feel really good about this decision.  

We are working on our fundraisers.  The puzzle pieces are selling well... 382 so far.  I am hoping to sell 1000 pieces.  The unfortunate part of changing venues for our adoption is that the cost is more.  We have raised and saved so much over the last couple of years, but according to the attorney's office it could cost $25,000.  I have to try really hard to not let the money get me down.  I think that when the baby is there, the money will be too.  This is all truly a test of our faith and trust in the Lord.

Anyways, we are also working on a golf tournament.  More to the point, Mark is working on it.  He is waiting to hear back from the course on the date.  Once we have that firmed up, you'll all have to get your clubs polished and your golf cleats... brushed? I don't know, I'm obviously not a golfer.  I'll be the one driving the beer cart!!

So I will end by saying thank you for your continued support.  Your prayers, your thoughts, your words of encouragement are all the things that get me through the low times and pick me up.  It is so amazing to have the friends and family behind us that we do.  THANK YOU!

Our Missing Piece...

Hey all!
We are raising funds again to help alleviate costs for our adoption.  We are ordering a custom puzzle and selling the pieces.  If you are interested in helping out, just pay through Paypal below and we will write your name on the back of the pieces.
Pieces are $5 apiece or whatever you are willing to donate.

New thoughts

The last couple of weeks have been tough.  I was feeling more and more frustrated with our situation.  We have had no news on the adoption front.  We have responded to every recruitment email sent out and are not chosen each time.  That amount of rejection would get to anyone, right?? Even harder, was that I was trying to keep all this inside and not share how frustrated I was.  Most important to me in my life is being a good witness for God.  I wanted to continue to show people how much we trusted in God's plan and I felt like if I admitted how frustrated and down I was, that I would be saying I didn't trust.  But, I don't do well with keeping things inside.  It was starting to boil over and frankly I was quite crabby!
What I realized this weekend, was that by trying to handle all this myself, I was doing the opposite of what God wants us to do.  First and foremost we are to trust Him and hand over all our troubles and worries to Him.  I was trying, I really was.  But I was also not utilizing another gift, my friends.  I am so blessed with the best friends a girl could ask for.  I have them all over - at work, at home, at church.  All I had to do was use them!! Finally, I did, and with that came the relief and peace I had been looking for.
No one had answers, but what they did have was ears to listen and suggestions for what I could do while I wait. And that was just what I needed.
So, I have begun researching other adoption agencies to find out what else is out there.  Bethany has been fine, but it has been over a year with them and there is no change in sight.  And while we do that, we will be refreshing our profile and book.  Thanks to the photography skills and generosity of my friend Amanda, and with the help of several others, we will be having a little photo shoot next weekend.
We are also considering a couple of fundraisers.  One is a definite - the puzzle.  The puzzle piece has been a theme in our adoption, so we will choose a puzzle that matches our nursery.  Then we will sell the pieces for $5.  When you buy a piece, we put your name on it.  Once the pieces are sold and puzzle is put together, we frame it in glass on both sizes to hang in the nursery.
We are also thinking of doing a golf tournament.  Most of the fundraising we have done has been through my friends and myself.  A golf tournament would let Mark and his friends play a part too.  That one is still in the maybe stage.
So that's the update.  As soon as I choose a puzzle, I will get that going.  I am also looking for suggestions on agencies or attorneys to use.
I am also seeking (again) suggestions for a song for our online profile.  It can't be a song that is copyrighted, so if you have any ideas, send them on!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey and support us in body and mind and prayer.

The rest of the story

Because I started this blog to document our story, I feel like I need to document the whole thing.  I have been going back and forth about telling this last part.  We did not share it while it was occurring to protect our friends and family from more pain.  But now that it is in the past, albeit recent past, I feel like it is important to include it so that our story stays complete.  No matter how it ends, I want to remember all of it.
     My last blog ended with the birth mother changing her mind and deciding to parent the baby she had promised us for months.  We spent an excruciatingly sad weekend just trying to heal and get through the days and nights.  It was a long weekend, which was probably good.  On Monday, I decided to be brave and tackle the nursery.  Upon receiving the news the previous Friday, my sister and I went through the car and house and dumped all things baby-related into the room and shut the door.  But on Monday morning, I was feeling a bit stronger and just wanted to get that part over with.  I wanted the room cleaned up.  We are right at the end of our year cycle with Bethany, which means we need to renew our paperwork and home study.  I knew that I needed the house to look okay before our social worker came back to visit.  As I cleaned and straightened, I came across a few things the birth mother had given us the month before.  I texted the social worker to find out if they would be seeing the birth mother to return the things.  She called me back and after a brief conversation, told me that the BM had changed her mind again.  She wanted to follow through with the adoption.
     Of course, this was news I had secretly hoped for, prayed for.  But, we were as sure of this as we were of the initial signing over of rights - not sure at all.  I called Mark and when he came home we discussed what we thought, how we felt, etc.  We had a couple more conversations with our social worker and it was decided that we would meet with the birth mother later that week before she signed any papers to make sure everyone was on board and on the same page.  So another two days had to pass with knots in our stomachs and just unease.  We told no one, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up or drag their feelings through the mud if this didn't work out.
     On Wednesday, an hour before we were set to meet with the BM, she began the backing out process again.  Without going into detail, she first gave some elaborate excuses as to why she couldn't meet, which over the next two hours morphed into reasons she couldn't follow through on the adoption... again.
     So, there we were, again.  Hopes dashed.  Just sad.  I was sad.  Mark was mad.  Our social workers were beside themselves frustrated.  But the general consensus that day, and in the days since, is that God was/is protecting us from something.  We can only trust that this adoption failed because it wasn't meant to be.  This birth mother did not want to give up rights to her child and as we got closer and closer to that happening, she just couldn't do it.  I do feel angry sometimes.  I think she is selfish.  Her situation didn't change.  She had people telling her she was a bad mother for giving him to a family.  That infuriates me.  But, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be, for whatever reason.
     We are moving through the process to renew our paperwork and home study this week.  And we will continue to pray that there is a baby for us.  We don't know for sure there is, but we hope so.