I recently discovered/rediscovered a new take on New Year's Resolutions. I follow the https://twowritingteachers.wordpress.com/ blog and instead of making resolutions, they write about their OLW, or One Little Word for the year. This word can represent so much and I love that it covers much more than a resolution I'll probably forget about within a week.
So I decided that my OLW for 2016 is going to be EMBRACE.
2015 was a challenging year for me job-wise. I took on a new role as a literacy coach in 2014 and spent much of 2015 trying to find my way around that new role. I can say I grew so much from the first year to this second year. And I am continuing to learn more about myself as a person and as a professional. I miss working with kids, but I get to work with a lot more kids in all different grades. I also have had the opportunity to meet and learn from a whole other staff, being split between two schools. But while I was learning and navigating, I encountered lots of bumps.
Hence the reason for my OLW. This year, in 2016, I want to embrace.
Embrace challenges
We all know it, say it, preach it even -- embrace challenges, it's how you learn from them! But sometimes we say we are embracing when really all we are doing is complaining and looking for a way out. So this year I want to truly embrace the challenges as learning opportunities. I want to take time to reflect on challenging situations and see what good can come out of them. And I want to complain about them less.
Embrace 2 and 3
My little munchkin is 2 and a half. And this has been challenging. She is a strong-willed, smart, precocious child who is giving us a run for our money. And she's amazing. Every day she says and does things that has us in stitches. Our most common saying these days is, "Where did that come from??" So I have been told that it's possible 3 might contain even more challenges. As stated above, with challenges come learning, so I want to embrace all that we are experiencing this year. Time is flying and she is growing so fast. We won't get this time back, even the bad times. So even though she is not a hugger, I'll be embracing her. :)
Embrace Ideas
I have definitely seen a shift in a lot of my ideas. I have learned so much about working with adults and how important it is to value the ideas of others, even if they are in contradiction with my own. God wants us not to judge others, but love them. It's not my job to critique and judge. It is my job to work with others and learn from each other. This goes for my job as a coach, a mother and wife, and a friend and colleague.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Children's Books - a Breakdown of the types of books authors write
As a teacher, a literacy coach, and now a mom, I have been reading children's books for a long time. I am an avid reader anyways, but as a teacher, I learned to read books in a more evaluative way. As a mom, I have been reading books to Kay that I consider "good books". Most of our books have been gifts from other moms and teachers, those with experience in reading books. I got to thinking the other day, though, about the millions of books out there for kids. Right now, we are into the touchy, feely books, the ones that you can rub the fur on the animals. I know how important reading is to the development of a child, so we read every day. And I know it's paying off because Kay will go pull her books off the shelf and "read" on her own, which might be my proudest moment.
Anyways, when you go to a bookstore, or browse the websites, you are literally inundated with books for kids: books about animals, books about people; sad books and happy books; multicultural books; books about families, friends, enemies, farting... You name it, I bet you can find a book about it. So I started thinking what the motivation might be for some of these authors. Here are the categories I have put these books into. This list will not be complete. I am sure as time goes on I'll have to add to it and re-evaluate some of my categories.
1. Books written to make moms (and dads) cry
There are some books out there I know the authors wrote with the sole intention of making us cry. Those are the books you get at baby showers or as newborn gifts that you can't read after the first time because you can't read the book without sobbing. That is a very ineffective way to put a kid to bed, crying over a book. These books include:
2. Books written to irritate moms (any maybe get dads to read)
Honestly, I will NEVER buy a book about farting, pooping, boogers, or any other bodily function that I won't talk about at the dinner table. My mother raised me to have manners and act like a lady. Because of that, I don't tell stories about my poop and I don't want to read about other people's. Yes, there are actually books out there like this. There are a lot of great educators out there who will say that if this is the only book you can get your kid to read, then you read it. Nope, not this one. If this is really the only book I can get my kid to read, I will try harder.
I will keep working on this list, but for now, that's what's on my mind! I would love to know what other categories you might have for books.
Anyways, when you go to a bookstore, or browse the websites, you are literally inundated with books for kids: books about animals, books about people; sad books and happy books; multicultural books; books about families, friends, enemies, farting... You name it, I bet you can find a book about it. So I started thinking what the motivation might be for some of these authors. Here are the categories I have put these books into. This list will not be complete. I am sure as time goes on I'll have to add to it and re-evaluate some of my categories.
1. Books written to make moms (and dads) cry
There are some books out there I know the authors wrote with the sole intention of making us cry. Those are the books you get at baby showers or as newborn gifts that you can't read after the first time because you can't read the book without sobbing. That is a very ineffective way to put a kid to bed, crying over a book. These books include:
- Oh the Places You'll Go (though I think we have been desensitized to this one)
- Love You Forever (which I'll admit, creeps me out)
- I Love You Through and Through
2. Books written to irritate moms (any maybe get dads to read)
Honestly, I will NEVER buy a book about farting, pooping, boogers, or any other bodily function that I won't talk about at the dinner table. My mother raised me to have manners and act like a lady. Because of that, I don't tell stories about my poop and I don't want to read about other people's. Yes, there are actually books out there like this. There are a lot of great educators out there who will say that if this is the only book you can get your kid to read, then you read it. Nope, not this one. If this is really the only book I can get my kid to read, I will try harder.
- Walter the Farting Dog (it's actually a series!)
- Captain Underpants (Uggghhh)
- Billy's Farting Adventure (seriously??)
3. Books written to extend bedtime well into the night
When an author sits down to write a children's book, what possesses them to make it 30 pages?? Dr. Suess, I'm calling you out on this one! I love a good rhyming book, but bedtime is supposed to be relaxing for all involved. When I am too tired to read through an entire book because it keeps going on and on and on, but my munchkin is eagerly awaiting the end (even though it's been read 5, 10 times before) bedtime has become the dreaded story that never ends. For my friend Melissa, the Berenstein Bears are on this list.
4. Books written for specific people
In this day and age we can't leave anyone out... no one. You can find books for grandma and grandpa. You can find books for aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents. You can find books for adoptive children, multiracial children, children of divorce or death, children of gay/lesbian parents. Because books are an easy go to, authors are popping up everywhere to explain difficult topics to children via picture books. But Lord knows, these are not always quality!! My biggest beef with this is the fact that some people will use these books in place of a conversation with their child. I love that you can find a jumping off point in a book. We have our "Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born" (which for me goes up in category 1) so that when Kay starts asking, we have begun the conversation. But that's just it, books are meant to start conversations.
5. Books written about social issues
This goes with the above category in some ways, but we can also add that it covers historical occurrences. Racial diversity, tensions, civil rights, there are numerous great books about these topics. These aren't your bedtime stories for toddlers though. These authors had a topic that was near and dear to them and found a way to bring it to the level of a child so that we don't make the same mistakes our forefathers made. These are the books you find in classrooms, that teachers can tick off their fingers. But they have a place for children at home too. These are more challenging reads, so in place of a chapter book for your 4th grader, reading books like these can be a good discussion starter.
- Jacqueline Woodson is a fab author of books like this
I will keep working on this list, but for now, that's what's on my mind! I would love to know what other categories you might have for books.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
1 year
One year ago today we signed the papers giving us "custody" of Kaylin. And one year ago tomorrow we brought that little tiny baby home with us. I have blogged throughout the year, so our journey is no secret. I am not exactly a closed book either :) But one year into parenthood and I could not imagine a better place. Mark and I celebrated 10 years of marriage last weekend and 1 year with Kaylin. I have no words for how happy we are. Well, that's clearly not true, if I had no words, I wouldn't be blogging about it! I have lots of words... happy, ecstatic, over the moon, completely in love, smitten. I could go on. But every mom reading this knows those words and more. Kaylin has grown and exceeded our every expectation for growth and for love. She is a healthy baby, crawling all over the place, learning something new every day. I honestly don't know how we do anything other than talk to her and stare at her. She lights up our days with her toothy smile. We are the typical smitten first parents, I know. Every night we read stories and pray to God. I always pray such thanks for the blessing He placed in our lives and I pray her birth mother has peace in knowing what an amazing decision she made.
Okay, this is somewhat of a rambling blog, but I felt like I needed to update everyone near and far on this anniversary of our "Gotcha Day". Becoming parents was not an easy road for us. I spent a long time thinking I never wanted to be a parent. When we made the decision, we knew that it was going to be God's plan. We couldn't have foreseen what He had in mind for us. I don't know if we went down the wrong paths until we came around to where He wanted us all along, or if that was the path God wanted us to go down. Either way, the rewards have far outweighed the struggles. I have an app on my phone that updates me on my facebook, photos, twitter, etc from previous years. Ironically, as the photos from last year are showing up, so are the posts to FB from 4 years ago when I was in the hospital suffering from complications from our fertility treatments. Much like reading the posts from January when I was reminded of our most hurtful loss, those events 4 years ago are just a rung on our ladder.
Kaylin Lee Mixon has been the most amazing addition to our lives. We thank our family and friends for their support and love and continue to enjoy each and every minute of joy that K brings to our lives. She is the blessing we didn't know was missing.
Okay, this is somewhat of a rambling blog, but I felt like I needed to update everyone near and far on this anniversary of our "Gotcha Day". Becoming parents was not an easy road for us. I spent a long time thinking I never wanted to be a parent. When we made the decision, we knew that it was going to be God's plan. We couldn't have foreseen what He had in mind for us. I don't know if we went down the wrong paths until we came around to where He wanted us all along, or if that was the path God wanted us to go down. Either way, the rewards have far outweighed the struggles. I have an app on my phone that updates me on my facebook, photos, twitter, etc from previous years. Ironically, as the photos from last year are showing up, so are the posts to FB from 4 years ago when I was in the hospital suffering from complications from our fertility treatments. Much like reading the posts from January when I was reminded of our most hurtful loss, those events 4 years ago are just a rung on our ladder.
Kaylin Lee Mixon has been the most amazing addition to our lives. We thank our family and friends for their support and love and continue to enjoy each and every minute of joy that K brings to our lives. She is the blessing we didn't know was missing.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Who is this person??
I have been writing this blog in my head for days, no months. Every time something comes up that I look around and think, who said that?? When happy hour continues but someone says, "I have to get home before the baby goes to bed", or a weekend away comes up and I hear, "Well, let me think, we had a really busy week and I didn't get to see the baby much, so I am not sure." Yeh, there are some out there thinking they have been waiting for this day. When you don't have a baby until 34, you have had a lot of time to form habits and create a lifestyle that suits you just fine. Going out, having drinks with friends, dinner with other couples, girls or boys weekends, all of that is the norm. You are the one who is easy to plan around. And then one day you hear yourself questioning if you got to see the baby enough. Or you think you might not be able to go somewhere because who will pick her up from daycare. Lord, I never saw it coming. I mean, I knew in my head that obviously those changes come, but what I didn't realize is how easy they come. And how seamlessly they integrate themselves into your life. All of the sudden it is second nature to wonder if you can get home before she goes to sleep, or if your friends will care if dinner doesn't start till 8 so you can help put her to bed. It's weird really. I still have many nights where I think man, I would love to go out now. But not being able to doesn't make me sad or mad. I think it just makes me nostalgic. That's a silly word, but the best one I can come up with.
So this is what your life is. I can't say what someone goes through who is pregnant. SOmeone once said to me that they wondered how I would fare when a baby came and we began losing sleep. She said that she felt God prepared women for what was coming with pregnancy and since I was not going to have that preparation. It came from a curious place, and I really did not think much of it. But that has stuck with me because I have thought about that since we got the baby. After our first match, we prayed for a baby to come to us with no frills, just a phone call and done. And God provided. But that also meant we had to make some immediate adjustments to our life that most can make gradually. We didn't suffer in the way I think my friend was worried about - sleeplessness, mostly. But I would say we have had some adjustments hit us in different ways. Today, at our first 'friend' birthday party, I made Mark go with us. This was just one of many times I have laughed at the changes that have occurred. But I kept thinking, the other dads of Kaylin's 'friends' will be there, so Mark should get used to this! And he never batted an eye. I am sure at some point he had the same thought I have had many times -- who is this person?? But here we are, making choices and decisions that we never expected!
Choices such as:
Who will pick up the baby today? One is golfing, the other working the school carnival.
Can I go on that girls weekend? I will have school all week so will I get to see the baby enough?
So everyone is going home this early? Super! The baby will be up at 6am anyways :)
What should we do this weekend? Anyone wanna have all the kids at their house?
Now, all that being said, I do feel I am still the same person. I am very cognizant of when we are around people who are not parents. I make a conscious effort to have other things to talk about outside of Kaylin. I am always thinking of how I felt before we had Kaylin and how I needed my friends to be able to talk about other things. I try really hard to be the friend who can do that. I think so often moms lose themselves in being moms. I cherish my friends who are moms with me, especially those that are new moms with me. But I also try really hard to value those friends who are in different places, who have different and just as important priorities. I was there, I remember how it felt.
So this is what your life is. I can't say what someone goes through who is pregnant. SOmeone once said to me that they wondered how I would fare when a baby came and we began losing sleep. She said that she felt God prepared women for what was coming with pregnancy and since I was not going to have that preparation. It came from a curious place, and I really did not think much of it. But that has stuck with me because I have thought about that since we got the baby. After our first match, we prayed for a baby to come to us with no frills, just a phone call and done. And God provided. But that also meant we had to make some immediate adjustments to our life that most can make gradually. We didn't suffer in the way I think my friend was worried about - sleeplessness, mostly. But I would say we have had some adjustments hit us in different ways. Today, at our first 'friend' birthday party, I made Mark go with us. This was just one of many times I have laughed at the changes that have occurred. But I kept thinking, the other dads of Kaylin's 'friends' will be there, so Mark should get used to this! And he never batted an eye. I am sure at some point he had the same thought I have had many times -- who is this person?? But here we are, making choices and decisions that we never expected!
Choices such as:
Who will pick up the baby today? One is golfing, the other working the school carnival.
Can I go on that girls weekend? I will have school all week so will I get to see the baby enough?
So everyone is going home this early? Super! The baby will be up at 6am anyways :)
What should we do this weekend? Anyone wanna have all the kids at their house?
Now, all that being said, I do feel I am still the same person. I am very cognizant of when we are around people who are not parents. I make a conscious effort to have other things to talk about outside of Kaylin. I am always thinking of how I felt before we had Kaylin and how I needed my friends to be able to talk about other things. I try really hard to be the friend who can do that. I think so often moms lose themselves in being moms. I cherish my friends who are moms with me, especially those that are new moms with me. But I also try really hard to value those friends who are in different places, who have different and just as important priorities. I was there, I remember how it felt.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
What I have learned - Baby perspective
Baby here. Read Mommy's blog and thought I should add my perspective. I had a lot to learn this year, since I knew nothing before. So here is what I have learned in my almost eight months of life:
1- Play dates -- They say these things are for babies, so we can get "socialized". Yeah, from what I can tell, they are really just an excuse for mommies (and sometimes daddies) to get together, gab, and more often than not, have a drink or two. What I have gathered is that they used to call these Happy Hour, but had to change the name when the kids came along.
2 - Crying -- Most of the time I have no idea why I am crying but I have figured out that when I cry, good things happen. For example, last night I wasn't tired so I cried. First daddy came in and rocked me. Then I still wasn't tired so I cried some more and mommy came in and took me to bed with them. SCORE!
3 - Baby Food -- What is this stuff?? It all tastes weird. All these flavors mixed together, more flavors than I have ever had in my life! And it does not look like what mommy and daddy are eating at all. Why can't I just have that?
4 - Snot -- I am not sure why mommy hates it so much. I can't help that I have so much of it. But any time there is the slightest drip she comes at me with the sucky thing and the tissues and sticks stuff in my nose! Come on MOM!
5 - Puppy Brother -- I love that guy. He lets me grab his face and pet him and he keeps coming back for more. And he is so funny looking!
6 - Aunties -- Evidently I have like 50 of them. They all have high pitched voices and are hilarious. They find themselves very funny which usually makes me laugh. But they always bring me prizes and snuggles so I am not complaining. Plus most of them are way more comfortable to lay on than mom.
These are just a few of the things I have learned. I will continue to advise mommy on her blogging so we can give you insight into both of our perspectives.
Baby - Out
1- Play dates -- They say these things are for babies, so we can get "socialized". Yeah, from what I can tell, they are really just an excuse for mommies (and sometimes daddies) to get together, gab, and more often than not, have a drink or two. What I have gathered is that they used to call these Happy Hour, but had to change the name when the kids came along.
2 - Crying -- Most of the time I have no idea why I am crying but I have figured out that when I cry, good things happen. For example, last night I wasn't tired so I cried. First daddy came in and rocked me. Then I still wasn't tired so I cried some more and mommy came in and took me to bed with them. SCORE!
3 - Baby Food -- What is this stuff?? It all tastes weird. All these flavors mixed together, more flavors than I have ever had in my life! And it does not look like what mommy and daddy are eating at all. Why can't I just have that?
4 - Snot -- I am not sure why mommy hates it so much. I can't help that I have so much of it. But any time there is the slightest drip she comes at me with the sucky thing and the tissues and sticks stuff in my nose! Come on MOM!
5 - Puppy Brother -- I love that guy. He lets me grab his face and pet him and he keeps coming back for more. And he is so funny looking!
6 - Aunties -- Evidently I have like 50 of them. They all have high pitched voices and are hilarious. They find themselves very funny which usually makes me laugh. But they always bring me prizes and snuggles so I am not complaining. Plus most of them are way more comfortable to lay on than mom.
These are just a few of the things I have learned. I will continue to advise mommy on her blogging so we can give you insight into both of our perspectives.
Baby - Out
Monday, December 30, 2013
What we have learned
Over 6 months into this parenthood journey and I thought I would share some of the thing things we have learned. I will give both Mark's and my leanrings, though his didn't come from his mouth, just my observations. They are pretty spot on though, if you ask me.
Mom
1 - Schedule is a fictional word made up by someone who actually thinks they are controlling when and where their baby does stuff, instead of the other way around. I can't make this girl eat or sleep any more than I can stand to wear white and off white together.
2 - She will be dressed better than me. Why not, no one is looking at me when we are together anyways.
3 - There is no sweeter sight than a smile, no sweeter sound than a laugh, and no more painful sound than crying -- painful for mommy and daddy, not baby.
4 - Laying out clothes for her to wear is a suggestion for daddy. If I want her to wear any accessories I better stash them in her bag or the car to be sure.
5 - Developmental milestones are general - they don't apply to every baby all the time. A preemie will be a preemie for the first two years, no matter how big she gets. I think that falls in the same line of thought as your baby always being your baby, no matter how old they are.
Dad
1 - Ruffles go in the back.
2 - Tags go in the back. Evidently boys don't have tags in their clothes so they don't know this??
3 - There is a difference between tights and pants. No clue what the difference is but he knows there is one.
4 - You can't put your baby in a bubble.
5 - You still can't put your baby in a bubble. The world is out there, the best you can do is wash your hands and hers, cause mama isn't gonna stay in the house with her all day every day.
6 - When mommy lays out clothes they are merely a suggestion. Pick and choose what you like out of the chosen outfit. Matching is optional.
Both
We figured but have confirmed that daddies are just as good at parenting as mommies. In our house, daddy is probably better! I am not afraid to go out for a night or a weekend and leave the baby with daddy any more than he is afraid to go out and leave me home with the baby.
Your life changes as much as you choose for it to change. You can still go out, you can still have fun, but how and when is up to you. Babies are portable, sitters are available (though not cheap), and places are open early and late! You have to be more flexible, but it is possible.
Grandparents are a Godsend!! Not sure where we would be without our parents being so in love with this girl.
I am sure I will think of more but it was time to dust off the keyboard and let everyone know how things were going!! This journey continues to be the best ever!!
Mom
1 - Schedule is a fictional word made up by someone who actually thinks they are controlling when and where their baby does stuff, instead of the other way around. I can't make this girl eat or sleep any more than I can stand to wear white and off white together.
2 - She will be dressed better than me. Why not, no one is looking at me when we are together anyways.
3 - There is no sweeter sight than a smile, no sweeter sound than a laugh, and no more painful sound than crying -- painful for mommy and daddy, not baby.
4 - Laying out clothes for her to wear is a suggestion for daddy. If I want her to wear any accessories I better stash them in her bag or the car to be sure.
5 - Developmental milestones are general - they don't apply to every baby all the time. A preemie will be a preemie for the first two years, no matter how big she gets. I think that falls in the same line of thought as your baby always being your baby, no matter how old they are.
Dad
1 - Ruffles go in the back.
2 - Tags go in the back. Evidently boys don't have tags in their clothes so they don't know this??
3 - There is a difference between tights and pants. No clue what the difference is but he knows there is one.
4 - You can't put your baby in a bubble.
5 - You still can't put your baby in a bubble. The world is out there, the best you can do is wash your hands and hers, cause mama isn't gonna stay in the house with her all day every day.
6 - When mommy lays out clothes they are merely a suggestion. Pick and choose what you like out of the chosen outfit. Matching is optional.
Both
We figured but have confirmed that daddies are just as good at parenting as mommies. In our house, daddy is probably better! I am not afraid to go out for a night or a weekend and leave the baby with daddy any more than he is afraid to go out and leave me home with the baby.
Your life changes as much as you choose for it to change. You can still go out, you can still have fun, but how and when is up to you. Babies are portable, sitters are available (though not cheap), and places are open early and late! You have to be more flexible, but it is possible.
Grandparents are a Godsend!! Not sure where we would be without our parents being so in love with this girl.
I am sure I will think of more but it was time to dust off the keyboard and let everyone know how things were going!! This journey continues to be the best ever!!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Bonding
I have kind of wondered where to take this blog now that our "journey" to adoption is technically over. We are on a whole new journey of course, but the original purpose of this blog was to keep people up to speed on where we were with the adoption. I'll start with that... we have our baby :-) The next step is finalization. We have not received our court date yet, but typically that is about three months from placement. We have spent the last month getting to know our girl, going to doctor's appts, visiting friends and family, and even squeezing in a vacation! It has been a very busy and exciting time.
I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next and on my heart has been the topic of bonding. I have heard so many mothers say. "I loved him/her the instant I saw her." I wondered how it would be adopting. If this was a book or movie then I would say, "As soon as we saw her we knew she was our baby." That is just not the case though. Maybe because we were so gun-shy from the last time, but it took a while to really bond with Kaylin. Now, don't get me wrong, we loved her immediately, but it was love in the same way that I love the babies my friends all have. Each day we visited her in the hospital was great, but we both really looked forward to bringing her home and feeling truly like she belonged with us. I can't say when it hit me exactly. I remember a couple of times in the first couple of weeks feeling like, wow, this is really it, she is really my daughter. But it wasn't something that hit me all over. I think it was about two weeks in that I was just overcome with that feeling of love and something else. It was completely all consuming. But it came and went. And for the next few weeks I felt it more and more. It was such a gradual thing. One night, looking at that face, I just realized that she was all I had ever wanted. Or more to the point, all I wanted right then.
I was curious how Mark felt about her and all that we had gone through. The daddy perspective is not something that we hear because boys/men are not conditioned to talk about how they feel. But they have their rare moments, and he shared that he felt a lot like I had. He didn't love her all at once, but it was so gradual, that once it happened it almost over took him. He had moments that he didn't think would phase him hit really hard. K stayed two nights with her grandparents while we were at the beach. They really wanted to keep her and I was so hesitant, but Mark kept saying how good it would be for us to get some full nights sleep! In the end I gave in, though not without tears! I trust my in-laws completely. Watching her go was not fear of what would happen but just missing the little face that had become part of my daily life. Mark said it hit him more than he even thought.
At this point, 5 weeks into our life with Kaylin, we are completely smitten and completely in her hands. No matter how late she keeps us up, no matter how often she needs to eat, sleep, poop, we are pretty much at her disposal. I often wondered if a mother really sees how her child looks or if no matter what, she thought her own baby was beautiful. Now I know, YES! No matter what has gone on, how the relationship came about, what the baby looks like, mothers and fathers, once bonded, it's like cement. Everything we do is for this little girl. When she actually looks at us and waves those little arms, our hearts just melt. What a great gift God has given us, that love between parents and children.
So, for other adoptive parents, or possibly even birth parents, bonding may not be like in the movies. Everyone loves babies, but there will come a moment, or a series of moments when you realize that you would give anything for the child.
I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next and on my heart has been the topic of bonding. I have heard so many mothers say. "I loved him/her the instant I saw her." I wondered how it would be adopting. If this was a book or movie then I would say, "As soon as we saw her we knew she was our baby." That is just not the case though. Maybe because we were so gun-shy from the last time, but it took a while to really bond with Kaylin. Now, don't get me wrong, we loved her immediately, but it was love in the same way that I love the babies my friends all have. Each day we visited her in the hospital was great, but we both really looked forward to bringing her home and feeling truly like she belonged with us. I can't say when it hit me exactly. I remember a couple of times in the first couple of weeks feeling like, wow, this is really it, she is really my daughter. But it wasn't something that hit me all over. I think it was about two weeks in that I was just overcome with that feeling of love and something else. It was completely all consuming. But it came and went. And for the next few weeks I felt it more and more. It was such a gradual thing. One night, looking at that face, I just realized that she was all I had ever wanted. Or more to the point, all I wanted right then.
I was curious how Mark felt about her and all that we had gone through. The daddy perspective is not something that we hear because boys/men are not conditioned to talk about how they feel. But they have their rare moments, and he shared that he felt a lot like I had. He didn't love her all at once, but it was so gradual, that once it happened it almost over took him. He had moments that he didn't think would phase him hit really hard. K stayed two nights with her grandparents while we were at the beach. They really wanted to keep her and I was so hesitant, but Mark kept saying how good it would be for us to get some full nights sleep! In the end I gave in, though not without tears! I trust my in-laws completely. Watching her go was not fear of what would happen but just missing the little face that had become part of my daily life. Mark said it hit him more than he even thought.
At this point, 5 weeks into our life with Kaylin, we are completely smitten and completely in her hands. No matter how late she keeps us up, no matter how often she needs to eat, sleep, poop, we are pretty much at her disposal. I often wondered if a mother really sees how her child looks or if no matter what, she thought her own baby was beautiful. Now I know, YES! No matter what has gone on, how the relationship came about, what the baby looks like, mothers and fathers, once bonded, it's like cement. Everything we do is for this little girl. When she actually looks at us and waves those little arms, our hearts just melt. What a great gift God has given us, that love between parents and children.
So, for other adoptive parents, or possibly even birth parents, bonding may not be like in the movies. Everyone loves babies, but there will come a moment, or a series of moments when you realize that you would give anything for the child.
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