Many of you like to keep up with what is happening on our journey and I often have absolutely nothing to report. But in an effort to keep you all in the loop, I do have a story to share. We got a call from our attorney's office last week and they had a birth mother they wanted us to meet. You can imagine I was beyond excited to see that 864 number come up on my phone. I spent the next few minutes getting all the details, writing them down so I could make sure to share them with the hubs correctly, and then making the call to him. He said was talking 90 miles an hour, but you know how excited I was. I proceeded to hit the gym and give him some unprecedented time to think without me staring at him. When I got home, we agreed that we were definitely interested in meeting the BM. I called the office manager back and gave her the news. She said the next step was to work up the budget for us so we would know what to expect financially. The next day she called to tell us that the cost would be $25,000. This was the tip top of our budget, but we said we were still good. The weekend came and we looked forward to setting up a meeting. On Sunday, the sweet lady called back to tell me that the cost was actually $30,000. We were going to be paying for several months of living expenses. You can imagine how Mr. Logical reacted. The next 24 hours in our house were tense, stressful, and just plain yuck. I just felt like I couldn't say no and Mark felt like we couldn't afford to say yes. After several discussions, Mark finally said it was up to me. So I called the attorney's office and talked with the lady M. M said she would talk to the Ray and see if they could get the budget down. I didn't even know this was an option!! So by the end of the day, we had figured out some things that would make this affordable for us. Meeting time and place was set, all we had to do was feel comfortable with the BM and her with us and it would be a match!
Tuesday we head up to Greenville to meet the BM. Ray gives us the "there are no red flags at this point, but you know how this can go" speech. Oh yes, we know how this can go! So we waited --- and waited --- and nothing. She didn't show up. She did not even show up to meet us. They apologized for having us drive up there and then this happening. We got in the car and drove on home. By the time we got back home, all I could do was laugh. Seriously. A no-show. Evidently we have a sign over us that says, "Hey, please jerk us around, we can handle it!"
Anyways, we still have not heard why she didn't show up and truly, it could be anything. Part of me worries that something happened to her. Her situation was pretty sad, so it is possible that not showing up wasn't her fault. But she was also young and early in her pregnancy, so it is also possible she just ditched us. Whichever it is, we have to believe that the Lord has something better planned. In the meantime, we continue to be a source of humor for Him.
And for those of you who are wondering, we are fine. No tears were shed over this. It was exciting at first, but it didn't work and that's okay. The good things to come from all of this include the fact that the attorney tried to match us with someone already and it has only been two months, we have certainly garnered more sympathy in that office than we had, and we have yet another story to share with our friends and others.
This road has been long, bumpy, and tough. I just continue to pray that the end of this journey is coming, whether that is with a baby or the peace of mind that we were meant for other things.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
The waiting, oh the waiting!
The hardest part of the last few months has been the waiting. Weeks go by with nothing new to report. At the point when we finally do get our baby, I won't know what to with myself when I am not waiting for something. But then, I guess I will have shifted my waiting to something else. Anyways, I have been really happy with the lawyer so far, you know, with the obvious exception of a lack of baby. :-) But really, working with Ray's office has been so easy. They helped critique our photo book and make it appealing to birth moms. They have emailed us to introduce themselves and just made us feel really good about this decision.
We are working on our fundraisers. The puzzle pieces are selling well... 382 so far. I am hoping to sell 1000 pieces. The unfortunate part of changing venues for our adoption is that the cost is more. We have raised and saved so much over the last couple of years, but according to the attorney's office it could cost $25,000. I have to try really hard to not let the money get me down. I think that when the baby is there, the money will be too. This is all truly a test of our faith and trust in the Lord.
Anyways, we are also working on a golf tournament. More to the point, Mark is working on it. He is waiting to hear back from the course on the date. Once we have that firmed up, you'll all have to get your clubs polished and your golf cleats... brushed? I don't know, I'm obviously not a golfer. I'll be the one driving the beer cart!!
So I will end by saying thank you for your continued support. Your prayers, your thoughts, your words of encouragement are all the things that get me through the low times and pick me up. It is so amazing to have the friends and family behind us that we do. THANK YOU!
We are working on our fundraisers. The puzzle pieces are selling well... 382 so far. I am hoping to sell 1000 pieces. The unfortunate part of changing venues for our adoption is that the cost is more. We have raised and saved so much over the last couple of years, but according to the attorney's office it could cost $25,000. I have to try really hard to not let the money get me down. I think that when the baby is there, the money will be too. This is all truly a test of our faith and trust in the Lord.
Anyways, we are also working on a golf tournament. More to the point, Mark is working on it. He is waiting to hear back from the course on the date. Once we have that firmed up, you'll all have to get your clubs polished and your golf cleats... brushed? I don't know, I'm obviously not a golfer. I'll be the one driving the beer cart!!
So I will end by saying thank you for your continued support. Your prayers, your thoughts, your words of encouragement are all the things that get me through the low times and pick me up. It is so amazing to have the friends and family behind us that we do. THANK YOU!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Our Missing Piece...
Hey all!
We are raising funds again to help alleviate costs for our adoption. We are ordering a custom puzzle and selling the pieces. If you are interested in helping out, just pay through Paypal below and we will write your name on the back of the pieces.
Pieces are $5 apiece or whatever you are willing to donate.
We are raising funds again to help alleviate costs for our adoption. We are ordering a custom puzzle and selling the pieces. If you are interested in helping out, just pay through Paypal below and we will write your name on the back of the pieces.
Pieces are $5 apiece or whatever you are willing to donate.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
New thoughts
The last couple of weeks have been tough. I was feeling more and more frustrated with our situation. We have had no news on the adoption front. We have responded to every recruitment email sent out and are not chosen each time. That amount of rejection would get to anyone, right?? Even harder, was that I was trying to keep all this inside and not share how frustrated I was. Most important to me in my life is being a good witness for God. I wanted to continue to show people how much we trusted in God's plan and I felt like if I admitted how frustrated and down I was, that I would be saying I didn't trust. But, I don't do well with keeping things inside. It was starting to boil over and frankly I was quite crabby!
What I realized this weekend, was that by trying to handle all this myself, I was doing the opposite of what God wants us to do. First and foremost we are to trust Him and hand over all our troubles and worries to Him. I was trying, I really was. But I was also not utilizing another gift, my friends. I am so blessed with the best friends a girl could ask for. I have them all over - at work, at home, at church. All I had to do was use them!! Finally, I did, and with that came the relief and peace I had been looking for.
No one had answers, but what they did have was ears to listen and suggestions for what I could do while I wait. And that was just what I needed.
So, I have begun researching other adoption agencies to find out what else is out there. Bethany has been fine, but it has been over a year with them and there is no change in sight. And while we do that, we will be refreshing our profile and book. Thanks to the photography skills and generosity of my friend Amanda, and with the help of several others, we will be having a little photo shoot next weekend.
We are also considering a couple of fundraisers. One is a definite - the puzzle. The puzzle piece has been a theme in our adoption, so we will choose a puzzle that matches our nursery. Then we will sell the pieces for $5. When you buy a piece, we put your name on it. Once the pieces are sold and puzzle is put together, we frame it in glass on both sizes to hang in the nursery.
We are also thinking of doing a golf tournament. Most of the fundraising we have done has been through my friends and myself. A golf tournament would let Mark and his friends play a part too. That one is still in the maybe stage.
So that's the update. As soon as I choose a puzzle, I will get that going. I am also looking for suggestions on agencies or attorneys to use.
I am also seeking (again) suggestions for a song for our online profile. It can't be a song that is copyrighted, so if you have any ideas, send them on!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey and support us in body and mind and prayer.
What I realized this weekend, was that by trying to handle all this myself, I was doing the opposite of what God wants us to do. First and foremost we are to trust Him and hand over all our troubles and worries to Him. I was trying, I really was. But I was also not utilizing another gift, my friends. I am so blessed with the best friends a girl could ask for. I have them all over - at work, at home, at church. All I had to do was use them!! Finally, I did, and with that came the relief and peace I had been looking for.
No one had answers, but what they did have was ears to listen and suggestions for what I could do while I wait. And that was just what I needed.
So, I have begun researching other adoption agencies to find out what else is out there. Bethany has been fine, but it has been over a year with them and there is no change in sight. And while we do that, we will be refreshing our profile and book. Thanks to the photography skills and generosity of my friend Amanda, and with the help of several others, we will be having a little photo shoot next weekend.
We are also considering a couple of fundraisers. One is a definite - the puzzle. The puzzle piece has been a theme in our adoption, so we will choose a puzzle that matches our nursery. Then we will sell the pieces for $5. When you buy a piece, we put your name on it. Once the pieces are sold and puzzle is put together, we frame it in glass on both sizes to hang in the nursery.
We are also thinking of doing a golf tournament. Most of the fundraising we have done has been through my friends and myself. A golf tournament would let Mark and his friends play a part too. That one is still in the maybe stage.
So that's the update. As soon as I choose a puzzle, I will get that going. I am also looking for suggestions on agencies or attorneys to use.
I am also seeking (again) suggestions for a song for our online profile. It can't be a song that is copyrighted, so if you have any ideas, send them on!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey and support us in body and mind and prayer.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
The rest of the story
Because I started this blog to document our story, I feel like I need to document the whole thing. I have been going back and forth about telling this last part. We did not share it while it was occurring to protect our friends and family from more pain. But now that it is in the past, albeit recent past, I feel like it is important to include it so that our story stays complete. No matter how it ends, I want to remember all of it.
My last blog ended with the birth mother changing her mind and deciding to parent the baby she had promised us for months. We spent an excruciatingly sad weekend just trying to heal and get through the days and nights. It was a long weekend, which was probably good. On Monday, I decided to be brave and tackle the nursery. Upon receiving the news the previous Friday, my sister and I went through the car and house and dumped all things baby-related into the room and shut the door. But on Monday morning, I was feeling a bit stronger and just wanted to get that part over with. I wanted the room cleaned up. We are right at the end of our year cycle with Bethany, which means we need to renew our paperwork and home study. I knew that I needed the house to look okay before our social worker came back to visit. As I cleaned and straightened, I came across a few things the birth mother had given us the month before. I texted the social worker to find out if they would be seeing the birth mother to return the things. She called me back and after a brief conversation, told me that the BM had changed her mind again. She wanted to follow through with the adoption.
Of course, this was news I had secretly hoped for, prayed for. But, we were as sure of this as we were of the initial signing over of rights - not sure at all. I called Mark and when he came home we discussed what we thought, how we felt, etc. We had a couple more conversations with our social worker and it was decided that we would meet with the birth mother later that week before she signed any papers to make sure everyone was on board and on the same page. So another two days had to pass with knots in our stomachs and just unease. We told no one, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up or drag their feelings through the mud if this didn't work out.
On Wednesday, an hour before we were set to meet with the BM, she began the backing out process again. Without going into detail, she first gave some elaborate excuses as to why she couldn't meet, which over the next two hours morphed into reasons she couldn't follow through on the adoption... again.
So, there we were, again. Hopes dashed. Just sad. I was sad. Mark was mad. Our social workers were beside themselves frustrated. But the general consensus that day, and in the days since, is that God was/is protecting us from something. We can only trust that this adoption failed because it wasn't meant to be. This birth mother did not want to give up rights to her child and as we got closer and closer to that happening, she just couldn't do it. I do feel angry sometimes. I think she is selfish. Her situation didn't change. She had people telling her she was a bad mother for giving him to a family. That infuriates me. But, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be, for whatever reason.
We are moving through the process to renew our paperwork and home study this week. And we will continue to pray that there is a baby for us. We don't know for sure there is, but we hope so.
My last blog ended with the birth mother changing her mind and deciding to parent the baby she had promised us for months. We spent an excruciatingly sad weekend just trying to heal and get through the days and nights. It was a long weekend, which was probably good. On Monday, I decided to be brave and tackle the nursery. Upon receiving the news the previous Friday, my sister and I went through the car and house and dumped all things baby-related into the room and shut the door. But on Monday morning, I was feeling a bit stronger and just wanted to get that part over with. I wanted the room cleaned up. We are right at the end of our year cycle with Bethany, which means we need to renew our paperwork and home study. I knew that I needed the house to look okay before our social worker came back to visit. As I cleaned and straightened, I came across a few things the birth mother had given us the month before. I texted the social worker to find out if they would be seeing the birth mother to return the things. She called me back and after a brief conversation, told me that the BM had changed her mind again. She wanted to follow through with the adoption.
Of course, this was news I had secretly hoped for, prayed for. But, we were as sure of this as we were of the initial signing over of rights - not sure at all. I called Mark and when he came home we discussed what we thought, how we felt, etc. We had a couple more conversations with our social worker and it was decided that we would meet with the birth mother later that week before she signed any papers to make sure everyone was on board and on the same page. So another two days had to pass with knots in our stomachs and just unease. We told no one, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up or drag their feelings through the mud if this didn't work out.
On Wednesday, an hour before we were set to meet with the BM, she began the backing out process again. Without going into detail, she first gave some elaborate excuses as to why she couldn't meet, which over the next two hours morphed into reasons she couldn't follow through on the adoption... again.
So, there we were, again. Hopes dashed. Just sad. I was sad. Mark was mad. Our social workers were beside themselves frustrated. But the general consensus that day, and in the days since, is that God was/is protecting us from something. We can only trust that this adoption failed because it wasn't meant to be. This birth mother did not want to give up rights to her child and as we got closer and closer to that happening, she just couldn't do it. I do feel angry sometimes. I think she is selfish. Her situation didn't change. She had people telling her she was a bad mother for giving him to a family. That infuriates me. But, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be, for whatever reason.
We are moving through the process to renew our paperwork and home study this week. And we will continue to pray that there is a baby for us. We don't know for sure there is, but we hope so.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Worst case scenario
Unfortunately, this is not the blog I had hoped to be posting. The last few days have been heartbreaking. Shortly after I finished my previous post, we got the call we had both dreaded for three months. Our birth mother had changed her mind and decided to parent. Naturally, we are devastated. To be so close, to hold a baby for two days, then to have it all go away, well, you can imagine the feelings. I have been sad, angry, frustrated, guilty, so many exhausting emotions. I don't want to be angry with her, I know the choice she made was difficult and I don't wish any ill will on her. However, I can't help but feel so betrayed. We trusted her, trusted that she would make the best decision for that little boy, not a selfish one to make herself feel better. She has told us so much over the last few months about how she can't afford anything, can barely afford the child care for her first son. So I just sit and wonder how she will afford this one. I am angry because I know what she took from him - a life so filled with love and parents who could afford to give him so much. But, I don't want to be angry, anger isn't going to change what happened. I just keep reminding myself that this wasn't our baby. I have no idea why we were allowed to get so close and then have it not work out. I just have to trust that it is the way it is supposed to be.
The next step? We move on. I know from the experience of my miscarriage that the feeling in the pit of my stomach will ease with time. We are already getting our paperwork in order to renew our home study. This week marks a year since we became "official" with Bethany, which means everything has to be renewed - our home study, our physicals, background checks, etc. And we wait again. So, if you know of anyone who knows someone who can't care for their baby, you know who's looking again.
The next step? We move on. I know from the experience of my miscarriage that the feeling in the pit of my stomach will ease with time. We are already getting our paperwork in order to renew our home study. This week marks a year since we became "official" with Bethany, which means everything has to be renewed - our home study, our physicals, background checks, etc. And we wait again. So, if you know of anyone who knows someone who can't care for their baby, you know who's looking again.
Friday, January 18, 2013
The morning of...
Today has the potential to the be the best day of our lives, the day we have waited for, worked towards, prayed for, hoped for... and it has the potential to absolutely heartbreaking. Right now, we are waiting for the phone call that our birth mother is ready to sign the papers relinquishing custody of her baby. I posted a blog several months ago when the realization hit me that our joy would be someone else's heartache, and we have witnessed this first hand the last two days.
On Wednesday, at 10:07am our precious little baby entered this world. It was not without some drama, either. Even through a c-section, he was not so easily brought into the world. The birth mother experienced a LOT of discomfort as nurses had to push him out of her and they had to use the "vacuum" to pull him out. He has a nice sized circular bruise on his head from that. But he finally joined us and I was so lucky to be able to watch the whole thing and be the first little finger he held. As they rolled him to the nursery, I watched them clean him up, check his stats, and I just stayed with him. My mom, sister, and husband watched through the glass. We all had the same feelings, so much joy, but still that little portion in our heads and hearts that is holding out.
The last two days have been extremely difficult. We sat in a room with a little bundle of joy, but knowing that nothing was certain. Our birth mother was open to friends and family visiting, but she was absolutely exhausted of course. I knew this, but it was so hard for us to leave the baby. We knew that every time we left, she was snuggling and loving him. That just scared the daylights out of us and broke my heart, both for her and for us. Yesterday, we had plans to stay up there as long as possible, until our social worker called me and said we needed to leave. She said that our birth mother was having a really difficult time, and while she wouldn't tell us how she felt, the social workers were speaking for her. It was all stuff I knew, but I cried. We packed our things up and headed out, knowing that if we saw him again, it would mean he was coming home with us.
So here we are, the morning of the day that could change everything for us. Mark is vacuuming, I am blogging, sister suggested some wine to calm the nerves :) I am pretty sure I should go for a run to work these nerves out. We have continued to have more love, support, and prayers coming our way that we could have ever imagined. I know this is repeating myself, but if you ever find yourself in the position where you are the recipients of so much support, you will be floored too. Our friends, coworkers, families, everyone has rallied around us throughout all of this journey. We know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect. We also know that He doesn't promise life will be easy or free of tribulations, only that He promises to be there with us through everything. So no matter what happens, we both know that it is for the best and there is a reason.
I also want to say this, watching our birth mother over the last two days has been so hard because she is not "giving up" this baby because she doesn't want him. There is no question in my mind how much she loves him and would love to keep him. She is making this decision in his best interests. So if she does change her mind, then I know he will be in a loving environment. It won't be with us, but I won't worry about him.
Hopefully the next blog I write will be describing the joy that the rest of this day brings us. Thank you all for supporting us!! WE LOVE YOU!
On Wednesday, at 10:07am our precious little baby entered this world. It was not without some drama, either. Even through a c-section, he was not so easily brought into the world. The birth mother experienced a LOT of discomfort as nurses had to push him out of her and they had to use the "vacuum" to pull him out. He has a nice sized circular bruise on his head from that. But he finally joined us and I was so lucky to be able to watch the whole thing and be the first little finger he held. As they rolled him to the nursery, I watched them clean him up, check his stats, and I just stayed with him. My mom, sister, and husband watched through the glass. We all had the same feelings, so much joy, but still that little portion in our heads and hearts that is holding out.
The last two days have been extremely difficult. We sat in a room with a little bundle of joy, but knowing that nothing was certain. Our birth mother was open to friends and family visiting, but she was absolutely exhausted of course. I knew this, but it was so hard for us to leave the baby. We knew that every time we left, she was snuggling and loving him. That just scared the daylights out of us and broke my heart, both for her and for us. Yesterday, we had plans to stay up there as long as possible, until our social worker called me and said we needed to leave. She said that our birth mother was having a really difficult time, and while she wouldn't tell us how she felt, the social workers were speaking for her. It was all stuff I knew, but I cried. We packed our things up and headed out, knowing that if we saw him again, it would mean he was coming home with us.
So here we are, the morning of the day that could change everything for us. Mark is vacuuming, I am blogging, sister suggested some wine to calm the nerves :) I am pretty sure I should go for a run to work these nerves out. We have continued to have more love, support, and prayers coming our way that we could have ever imagined. I know this is repeating myself, but if you ever find yourself in the position where you are the recipients of so much support, you will be floored too. Our friends, coworkers, families, everyone has rallied around us throughout all of this journey. We know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect. We also know that He doesn't promise life will be easy or free of tribulations, only that He promises to be there with us through everything. So no matter what happens, we both know that it is for the best and there is a reason.
I also want to say this, watching our birth mother over the last two days has been so hard because she is not "giving up" this baby because she doesn't want him. There is no question in my mind how much she loves him and would love to keep him. She is making this decision in his best interests. So if she does change her mind, then I know he will be in a loving environment. It won't be with us, but I won't worry about him.
Hopefully the next blog I write will be describing the joy that the rest of this day brings us. Thank you all for supporting us!! WE LOVE YOU!
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