Unfortunately, this is not the blog I had hoped to be posting. The last few days have been heartbreaking. Shortly after I finished my previous post, we got the call we had both dreaded for three months. Our birth mother had changed her mind and decided to parent. Naturally, we are devastated. To be so close, to hold a baby for two days, then to have it all go away, well, you can imagine the feelings. I have been sad, angry, frustrated, guilty, so many exhausting emotions. I don't want to be angry with her, I know the choice she made was difficult and I don't wish any ill will on her. However, I can't help but feel so betrayed. We trusted her, trusted that she would make the best decision for that little boy, not a selfish one to make herself feel better. She has told us so much over the last few months about how she can't afford anything, can barely afford the child care for her first son. So I just sit and wonder how she will afford this one. I am angry because I know what she took from him - a life so filled with love and parents who could afford to give him so much. But, I don't want to be angry, anger isn't going to change what happened. I just keep reminding myself that this wasn't our baby. I have no idea why we were allowed to get so close and then have it not work out. I just have to trust that it is the way it is supposed to be.
The next step? We move on. I know from the experience of my miscarriage that the feeling in the pit of my stomach will ease with time. We are already getting our paperwork in order to renew our home study. This week marks a year since we became "official" with Bethany, which means everything has to be renewed - our home study, our physicals, background checks, etc. And we wait again. So, if you know of anyone who knows someone who can't care for their baby, you know who's looking again.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
The morning of...
Today has the potential to the be the best day of our lives, the day we have waited for, worked towards, prayed for, hoped for... and it has the potential to absolutely heartbreaking. Right now, we are waiting for the phone call that our birth mother is ready to sign the papers relinquishing custody of her baby. I posted a blog several months ago when the realization hit me that our joy would be someone else's heartache, and we have witnessed this first hand the last two days.
On Wednesday, at 10:07am our precious little baby entered this world. It was not without some drama, either. Even through a c-section, he was not so easily brought into the world. The birth mother experienced a LOT of discomfort as nurses had to push him out of her and they had to use the "vacuum" to pull him out. He has a nice sized circular bruise on his head from that. But he finally joined us and I was so lucky to be able to watch the whole thing and be the first little finger he held. As they rolled him to the nursery, I watched them clean him up, check his stats, and I just stayed with him. My mom, sister, and husband watched through the glass. We all had the same feelings, so much joy, but still that little portion in our heads and hearts that is holding out.
The last two days have been extremely difficult. We sat in a room with a little bundle of joy, but knowing that nothing was certain. Our birth mother was open to friends and family visiting, but she was absolutely exhausted of course. I knew this, but it was so hard for us to leave the baby. We knew that every time we left, she was snuggling and loving him. That just scared the daylights out of us and broke my heart, both for her and for us. Yesterday, we had plans to stay up there as long as possible, until our social worker called me and said we needed to leave. She said that our birth mother was having a really difficult time, and while she wouldn't tell us how she felt, the social workers were speaking for her. It was all stuff I knew, but I cried. We packed our things up and headed out, knowing that if we saw him again, it would mean he was coming home with us.
So here we are, the morning of the day that could change everything for us. Mark is vacuuming, I am blogging, sister suggested some wine to calm the nerves :) I am pretty sure I should go for a run to work these nerves out. We have continued to have more love, support, and prayers coming our way that we could have ever imagined. I know this is repeating myself, but if you ever find yourself in the position where you are the recipients of so much support, you will be floored too. Our friends, coworkers, families, everyone has rallied around us throughout all of this journey. We know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect. We also know that He doesn't promise life will be easy or free of tribulations, only that He promises to be there with us through everything. So no matter what happens, we both know that it is for the best and there is a reason.
I also want to say this, watching our birth mother over the last two days has been so hard because she is not "giving up" this baby because she doesn't want him. There is no question in my mind how much she loves him and would love to keep him. She is making this decision in his best interests. So if she does change her mind, then I know he will be in a loving environment. It won't be with us, but I won't worry about him.
Hopefully the next blog I write will be describing the joy that the rest of this day brings us. Thank you all for supporting us!! WE LOVE YOU!
On Wednesday, at 10:07am our precious little baby entered this world. It was not without some drama, either. Even through a c-section, he was not so easily brought into the world. The birth mother experienced a LOT of discomfort as nurses had to push him out of her and they had to use the "vacuum" to pull him out. He has a nice sized circular bruise on his head from that. But he finally joined us and I was so lucky to be able to watch the whole thing and be the first little finger he held. As they rolled him to the nursery, I watched them clean him up, check his stats, and I just stayed with him. My mom, sister, and husband watched through the glass. We all had the same feelings, so much joy, but still that little portion in our heads and hearts that is holding out.
The last two days have been extremely difficult. We sat in a room with a little bundle of joy, but knowing that nothing was certain. Our birth mother was open to friends and family visiting, but she was absolutely exhausted of course. I knew this, but it was so hard for us to leave the baby. We knew that every time we left, she was snuggling and loving him. That just scared the daylights out of us and broke my heart, both for her and for us. Yesterday, we had plans to stay up there as long as possible, until our social worker called me and said we needed to leave. She said that our birth mother was having a really difficult time, and while she wouldn't tell us how she felt, the social workers were speaking for her. It was all stuff I knew, but I cried. We packed our things up and headed out, knowing that if we saw him again, it would mean he was coming home with us.
So here we are, the morning of the day that could change everything for us. Mark is vacuuming, I am blogging, sister suggested some wine to calm the nerves :) I am pretty sure I should go for a run to work these nerves out. We have continued to have more love, support, and prayers coming our way that we could have ever imagined. I know this is repeating myself, but if you ever find yourself in the position where you are the recipients of so much support, you will be floored too. Our friends, coworkers, families, everyone has rallied around us throughout all of this journey. We know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect. We also know that He doesn't promise life will be easy or free of tribulations, only that He promises to be there with us through everything. So no matter what happens, we both know that it is for the best and there is a reason.
I also want to say this, watching our birth mother over the last two days has been so hard because she is not "giving up" this baby because she doesn't want him. There is no question in my mind how much she loves him and would love to keep him. She is making this decision in his best interests. So if she does change her mind, then I know he will be in a loving environment. It won't be with us, but I won't worry about him.
Hopefully the next blog I write will be describing the joy that the rest of this day brings us. Thank you all for supporting us!! WE LOVE YOU!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A Thanksgiving for remembering and laughing
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I get to see family that I only see on the one holiday. Everyone is grateful for what they have and where they are. It's one of the few times a year that people can look beyond their complaints and hard times and really see how good God has been to them. We have all had struggles and hard times, but in the end, sitting around with your cousins and aunts and uncles and parents and siblings, you can't help but realize how fortunate you are.
This year, we found ourselves reminiscing about when we were young. Now the all of my cousins have hit 20 and beyond, we are cherishing that time together even more. Both sets of my grandparents have passed away, 3 of the 4 when I was young. On my dad's side, I don't even remember my grandfather. But we did spend some time remembering my grandmother. She was such a great grandmom. It's funny, how as a child you are lucky to really only see and remember the best stuff. I know now, as an adult, that life with my grandmother wasn't always rosy, but with her grandkids - WOW! We have nothing but good memories. Granny Jackie had this cool house with a rock garden. Yep, a rock garden, and we used to look for rocks that she would use in it! She also had a sun bed in her bathroom. It wasn't a tanning bed, but a little alcove that you laid in when you got out of the bath to dry off. And she had all our heights measured out on the door frame at the top of her steps.
It hit me this year that we are starting to make those memories for our children. My sister has one kid and my cousin has a one year old now. Hopefully we'll be adding more to the mix in the coming year. And we are making those memories. Our kids will remember spending those special Thanksgivings at my aunts house where my uncle refers to the women as "womenfolk" and pretends we have our "place" in the kitchen. They'll remember my dad sitting out on the porch smoking his pipes enjoying the quiet. They'll remember looking at the leaves and squirrels and acorns with my mom and my aunt. They'll remember being on a cooking team to help prepare the Thanksgiving meal. They'll laugh about the games we play on the Friday after Thanksgiving, or the movie we choose to go see. They'll read books and play ping pong and take more pictures than they dreamed possible. And then years from now, they'll say, "Remember when we used to ..."
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the things going on around us and the logistics of how we'll make things happen, that we don't really enjoy the things that are happening. This road to our adoption has seemed long and slow to me, but there has been so much encouragement and love that paved the way for us. We will be able to look back on this time and say, "Remember when it was just us and we hoped and prayed so hard to fill our home..."
So, I want to continue this time making memories and savoring the laughs we have. If there's one thing my family is great at, it's laughing. And who wouldn't want to remember that.
This year, we found ourselves reminiscing about when we were young. Now the all of my cousins have hit 20 and beyond, we are cherishing that time together even more. Both sets of my grandparents have passed away, 3 of the 4 when I was young. On my dad's side, I don't even remember my grandfather. But we did spend some time remembering my grandmother. She was such a great grandmom. It's funny, how as a child you are lucky to really only see and remember the best stuff. I know now, as an adult, that life with my grandmother wasn't always rosy, but with her grandkids - WOW! We have nothing but good memories. Granny Jackie had this cool house with a rock garden. Yep, a rock garden, and we used to look for rocks that she would use in it! She also had a sun bed in her bathroom. It wasn't a tanning bed, but a little alcove that you laid in when you got out of the bath to dry off. And she had all our heights measured out on the door frame at the top of her steps.
It hit me this year that we are starting to make those memories for our children. My sister has one kid and my cousin has a one year old now. Hopefully we'll be adding more to the mix in the coming year. And we are making those memories. Our kids will remember spending those special Thanksgivings at my aunts house where my uncle refers to the women as "womenfolk" and pretends we have our "place" in the kitchen. They'll remember my dad sitting out on the porch smoking his pipes enjoying the quiet. They'll remember looking at the leaves and squirrels and acorns with my mom and my aunt. They'll remember being on a cooking team to help prepare the Thanksgiving meal. They'll laugh about the games we play on the Friday after Thanksgiving, or the movie we choose to go see. They'll read books and play ping pong and take more pictures than they dreamed possible. And then years from now, they'll say, "Remember when we used to ..."
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the things going on around us and the logistics of how we'll make things happen, that we don't really enjoy the things that are happening. This road to our adoption has seemed long and slow to me, but there has been so much encouragement and love that paved the way for us. We will be able to look back on this time and say, "Remember when it was just us and we hoped and prayed so hard to fill our home..."
So, I want to continue this time making memories and savoring the laughs we have. If there's one thing my family is great at, it's laughing. And who wouldn't want to remember that.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The nursery
After spending hours at IKEA, mom and I found a crib... and several other things. I really didn't know what I wanted going into this shopping trip. We looked at a few cribs around Columbia a couple of weeks ago, then travelled up Charlotte Sunday. This was my first trip to IKEA stateside. And I was quite impressed. The first sign of trouble was Mom saying to me, "We can buy anything!" Bad sign!
But it turned out well. I did get some good stuff for the house including the crib. I went simpler than planned, but it saved us a bundle. Now, I have to figure out how to motivate my hubby to help put it together. I also need to find my own motivation to sand and paint the dresser we will be using. I have a dresser that was handed down from my parents, which my dad says was handed down from his parents. It will make a perfect dresser and changing table. My plan is to paint it a sand color. We bought textured sand colored paint for the bottom drawer. We are going to decorate it with shells and some other cute beachy things. I finished touching up the paint on the walls and ceiling tonight. I can't imagine if I was pregnant and had to leave all this stuff to Mark!!
So, we have the crib, we have the dresser/changing table, we have the pictures and sea creatures for the wall... Now to find the time to put it all together.
I am hoping we hear from the social worker soon. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now to stop praying for patience. After all we went through over the last couple of years, my friend Tammy told me you shouldn't pray for patience, something that would have been good to know a while back :-) But, I still find myself praying to be patient and accept God's timing. His plan is my plan and His plan is the best plan. So, all in good time...
But it turned out well. I did get some good stuff for the house including the crib. I went simpler than planned, but it saved us a bundle. Now, I have to figure out how to motivate my hubby to help put it together. I also need to find my own motivation to sand and paint the dresser we will be using. I have a dresser that was handed down from my parents, which my dad says was handed down from his parents. It will make a perfect dresser and changing table. My plan is to paint it a sand color. We bought textured sand colored paint for the bottom drawer. We are going to decorate it with shells and some other cute beachy things. I finished touching up the paint on the walls and ceiling tonight. I can't imagine if I was pregnant and had to leave all this stuff to Mark!!
So, we have the crib, we have the dresser/changing table, we have the pictures and sea creatures for the wall... Now to find the time to put it all together.
I am hoping we hear from the social worker soon. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now to stop praying for patience. After all we went through over the last couple of years, my friend Tammy told me you shouldn't pray for patience, something that would have been good to know a while back :-) But, I still find myself praying to be patient and accept God's timing. His plan is my plan and His plan is the best plan. So, all in good time...
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Well on our way!
Last night was so amazing!! I still cannot believe the turnout. We were blessed to be surrounded by our family, friends, and coworkers for a really fun time. The night started with dinner and drinks and a jam-packed silent auction. People were eating and bidding and talking. There were kids running around the putting green outside. After the bidding wrapped up, we thanked everyone and announced the winners. People got some great deals on spas, salons, tutoring, books, lottery tickets, and much much more. Then we danced and just enjoyed the evening.
My coworkers did a phenomenal job on the organization of the event. The food was yummy, the desserts were out of this world, and the entertainment was great. Overall, it was a great event. And, I'm sure everyone is wondering, how successful was it?? Well, we raised...
My coworkers did a phenomenal job on the organization of the event. The food was yummy, the desserts were out of this world, and the entertainment was great. Overall, it was a great event. And, I'm sure everyone is wondering, how successful was it?? Well, we raised...
$4425
Yep, A-MA-ZING!
Our next step in the process is the home study visits. We are just waiting on our social worker to call and set these up. Bethany has all of our application stuff. So we wait. Hopefully we will hear something soon and we can jump this hurdle too!
So, for now, I just want to wrap up by thanking as many people as I can remember who donated to the auction last night and made it so successful!
Thank you...
Miss Cocky
Discovery Flight
Bliss Salon
Bewitched Salon
Griffin Pools and Spas
Hope Bryant
Lindsay Kenney
Mandy Stroud
Jonna Howell
Laura Alexander
Terminex
Susan Douglas
Kiki Wooley
Miryam Malpartida
Kelly DeShazo
Pivotal Fitness
Bodyshop Athletics
Anytime Fitness
There's definitely more and I'll add them. But right now my eyes are closing. Mark and I followed up our big night with the Mud Run this morning, so we are wiped out.
Thank you everyone!!
Monday, October 3, 2011
It's coming along...
What's that you ask? Well, a couple of very exciting things!!
We got our nursery painted this weekend. Just a few touchups still needed because my painting skills do leave a little to be desired, but the bulk is done. We went with a color that is light blue, called stillness. I think that bodes well, right?
Primed and ready
Some pictures Mom and Dad got for the nursery on their cruise up the New England coast.
Found this print in the Bahamas by an artist from Clemson.
And the second thing to be super excited about is our upcoming Spaghetti Supper and Silent Auction. Next Friday is the day! We have some awesome stuff to bid on, like a weekend in Cherry Grove, a Nook, several fun baskets, gift certificates for the Body Shop and Pivotal Fitness, and wine. There is so much fun stuff going on. I am just hoping we have lots of people come and eat some baked spaghetti/ziti, have a few drinks, and just have fun. I want to see kids and grown ups alike having a fun Friday night raising money for our baby.
On that note, where do we stand?
All our paperwork is in. We are just waiting now on our home study to start. Our social worker should be contacting us this month to set up those visits. Fingers crossed, by the end of October, we'll be baby ready!
Now if I could just find the time to go shopping!
Email me, call me, or message me to let me know if you want to join the fun Friday night. We need a count of who's coming, so even if you don't pay in advance, just let me know you are coming so I can get a count. Need to know how much food to make!
We got our nursery painted this weekend. Just a few touchups still needed because my painting skills do leave a little to be desired, but the bulk is done. We went with a color that is light blue, called stillness. I think that bodes well, right?
And the second thing to be super excited about is our upcoming Spaghetti Supper and Silent Auction. Next Friday is the day! We have some awesome stuff to bid on, like a weekend in Cherry Grove, a Nook, several fun baskets, gift certificates for the Body Shop and Pivotal Fitness, and wine. There is so much fun stuff going on. I am just hoping we have lots of people come and eat some baked spaghetti/ziti, have a few drinks, and just have fun. I want to see kids and grown ups alike having a fun Friday night raising money for our baby.
On that note, where do we stand?
All our paperwork is in. We are just waiting now on our home study to start. Our social worker should be contacting us this month to set up those visits. Fingers crossed, by the end of October, we'll be baby ready!
Now if I could just find the time to go shopping!
Email me, call me, or message me to let me know if you want to join the fun Friday night. We need a count of who's coming, so even if you don't pay in advance, just let me know you are coming so I can get a count. Need to know how much food to make!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Formal application complete... on to the next step
We got our formal application complete and turned in today!! After filling out numerous papers, getting drug tested, TB tested, writing our personal testimonies, doing our health histories, filling out our cash flow, and various other papers, we got it all turned in today.
Our next step is to attend the training session on August 26. This is an all day training that they said will cover lots of stuff. I think we will meet our social worker and hopefully get going on that.
I ordered 100 prints from Snapfish, so once I get the info on our photo book I think I may hit up some creative person to do the book for me :-) Scrapbooking is not my strength.
We are very excited to be moving to the next step. We have a couple of fundraisers in the works as well, so stay tuned. We'll be scheduling our Adopt-a-Mixon Nights Out and our "Completing our family puzzle" coming up.
On another note, my little fur baby had his teeth cleaned and one extracted today. I was a little nervous because he had to be put to sleep, but he is fine and his breath is actually tolerable for the first time I can remember!! Baxley had an allergic reaction to something this week, but he has recoverd as well. So both the fuzzy faces at our house are doing well!!
I am including pics from our yard sale since I haven't done that yet.
School has started back, so we are in for a busy few months!
Our next step is to attend the training session on August 26. This is an all day training that they said will cover lots of stuff. I think we will meet our social worker and hopefully get going on that.
I ordered 100 prints from Snapfish, so once I get the info on our photo book I think I may hit up some creative person to do the book for me :-) Scrapbooking is not my strength.
We are very excited to be moving to the next step. We have a couple of fundraisers in the works as well, so stay tuned. We'll be scheduling our Adopt-a-Mixon Nights Out and our "Completing our family puzzle" coming up.
On another note, my little fur baby had his teeth cleaned and one extracted today. I was a little nervous because he had to be put to sleep, but he is fine and his breath is actually tolerable for the first time I can remember!! Baxley had an allergic reaction to something this week, but he has recoverd as well. So both the fuzzy faces at our house are doing well!!
I am including pics from our yard sale since I haven't done that yet.
School has started back, so we are in for a busy few months!
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