Baby here. Read Mommy's blog and thought I should add my perspective. I had a lot to learn this year, since I knew nothing before. So here is what I have learned in my almost eight months of life:
1- Play dates -- They say these things are for babies, so we can get "socialized". Yeah, from what I can tell, they are really just an excuse for mommies (and sometimes daddies) to get together, gab, and more often than not, have a drink or two. What I have gathered is that they used to call these Happy Hour, but had to change the name when the kids came along.
2 - Crying -- Most of the time I have no idea why I am crying but I have figured out that when I cry, good things happen. For example, last night I wasn't tired so I cried. First daddy came in and rocked me. Then I still wasn't tired so I cried some more and mommy came in and took me to bed with them. SCORE!
3 - Baby Food -- What is this stuff?? It all tastes weird. All these flavors mixed together, more flavors than I have ever had in my life! And it does not look like what mommy and daddy are eating at all. Why can't I just have that?
4 - Snot -- I am not sure why mommy hates it so much. I can't help that I have so much of it. But any time there is the slightest drip she comes at me with the sucky thing and the tissues and sticks stuff in my nose! Come on MOM!
5 - Puppy Brother -- I love that guy. He lets me grab his face and pet him and he keeps coming back for more. And he is so funny looking!
6 - Aunties -- Evidently I have like 50 of them. They all have high pitched voices and are hilarious. They find themselves very funny which usually makes me laugh. But they always bring me prizes and snuggles so I am not complaining. Plus most of them are way more comfortable to lay on than mom.
These are just a few of the things I have learned. I will continue to advise mommy on her blogging so we can give you insight into both of our perspectives.
Baby - Out
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
What we have learned
Over 6 months into this parenthood journey and I thought I would share some of the thing things we have learned. I will give both Mark's and my leanrings, though his didn't come from his mouth, just my observations. They are pretty spot on though, if you ask me.
Mom
1 - Schedule is a fictional word made up by someone who actually thinks they are controlling when and where their baby does stuff, instead of the other way around. I can't make this girl eat or sleep any more than I can stand to wear white and off white together.
2 - She will be dressed better than me. Why not, no one is looking at me when we are together anyways.
3 - There is no sweeter sight than a smile, no sweeter sound than a laugh, and no more painful sound than crying -- painful for mommy and daddy, not baby.
4 - Laying out clothes for her to wear is a suggestion for daddy. If I want her to wear any accessories I better stash them in her bag or the car to be sure.
5 - Developmental milestones are general - they don't apply to every baby all the time. A preemie will be a preemie for the first two years, no matter how big she gets. I think that falls in the same line of thought as your baby always being your baby, no matter how old they are.
Dad
1 - Ruffles go in the back.
2 - Tags go in the back. Evidently boys don't have tags in their clothes so they don't know this??
3 - There is a difference between tights and pants. No clue what the difference is but he knows there is one.
4 - You can't put your baby in a bubble.
5 - You still can't put your baby in a bubble. The world is out there, the best you can do is wash your hands and hers, cause mama isn't gonna stay in the house with her all day every day.
6 - When mommy lays out clothes they are merely a suggestion. Pick and choose what you like out of the chosen outfit. Matching is optional.
Both
We figured but have confirmed that daddies are just as good at parenting as mommies. In our house, daddy is probably better! I am not afraid to go out for a night or a weekend and leave the baby with daddy any more than he is afraid to go out and leave me home with the baby.
Your life changes as much as you choose for it to change. You can still go out, you can still have fun, but how and when is up to you. Babies are portable, sitters are available (though not cheap), and places are open early and late! You have to be more flexible, but it is possible.
Grandparents are a Godsend!! Not sure where we would be without our parents being so in love with this girl.
I am sure I will think of more but it was time to dust off the keyboard and let everyone know how things were going!! This journey continues to be the best ever!!
Mom
1 - Schedule is a fictional word made up by someone who actually thinks they are controlling when and where their baby does stuff, instead of the other way around. I can't make this girl eat or sleep any more than I can stand to wear white and off white together.
2 - She will be dressed better than me. Why not, no one is looking at me when we are together anyways.
3 - There is no sweeter sight than a smile, no sweeter sound than a laugh, and no more painful sound than crying -- painful for mommy and daddy, not baby.
4 - Laying out clothes for her to wear is a suggestion for daddy. If I want her to wear any accessories I better stash them in her bag or the car to be sure.
5 - Developmental milestones are general - they don't apply to every baby all the time. A preemie will be a preemie for the first two years, no matter how big she gets. I think that falls in the same line of thought as your baby always being your baby, no matter how old they are.
Dad
1 - Ruffles go in the back.
2 - Tags go in the back. Evidently boys don't have tags in their clothes so they don't know this??
3 - There is a difference between tights and pants. No clue what the difference is but he knows there is one.
4 - You can't put your baby in a bubble.
5 - You still can't put your baby in a bubble. The world is out there, the best you can do is wash your hands and hers, cause mama isn't gonna stay in the house with her all day every day.
6 - When mommy lays out clothes they are merely a suggestion. Pick and choose what you like out of the chosen outfit. Matching is optional.
Both
We figured but have confirmed that daddies are just as good at parenting as mommies. In our house, daddy is probably better! I am not afraid to go out for a night or a weekend and leave the baby with daddy any more than he is afraid to go out and leave me home with the baby.
Your life changes as much as you choose for it to change. You can still go out, you can still have fun, but how and when is up to you. Babies are portable, sitters are available (though not cheap), and places are open early and late! You have to be more flexible, but it is possible.
Grandparents are a Godsend!! Not sure where we would be without our parents being so in love with this girl.
I am sure I will think of more but it was time to dust off the keyboard and let everyone know how things were going!! This journey continues to be the best ever!!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Bonding
I have kind of wondered where to take this blog now that our "journey" to adoption is technically over. We are on a whole new journey of course, but the original purpose of this blog was to keep people up to speed on where we were with the adoption. I'll start with that... we have our baby :-) The next step is finalization. We have not received our court date yet, but typically that is about three months from placement. We have spent the last month getting to know our girl, going to doctor's appts, visiting friends and family, and even squeezing in a vacation! It has been a very busy and exciting time.
I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next and on my heart has been the topic of bonding. I have heard so many mothers say. "I loved him/her the instant I saw her." I wondered how it would be adopting. If this was a book or movie then I would say, "As soon as we saw her we knew she was our baby." That is just not the case though. Maybe because we were so gun-shy from the last time, but it took a while to really bond with Kaylin. Now, don't get me wrong, we loved her immediately, but it was love in the same way that I love the babies my friends all have. Each day we visited her in the hospital was great, but we both really looked forward to bringing her home and feeling truly like she belonged with us. I can't say when it hit me exactly. I remember a couple of times in the first couple of weeks feeling like, wow, this is really it, she is really my daughter. But it wasn't something that hit me all over. I think it was about two weeks in that I was just overcome with that feeling of love and something else. It was completely all consuming. But it came and went. And for the next few weeks I felt it more and more. It was such a gradual thing. One night, looking at that face, I just realized that she was all I had ever wanted. Or more to the point, all I wanted right then.
I was curious how Mark felt about her and all that we had gone through. The daddy perspective is not something that we hear because boys/men are not conditioned to talk about how they feel. But they have their rare moments, and he shared that he felt a lot like I had. He didn't love her all at once, but it was so gradual, that once it happened it almost over took him. He had moments that he didn't think would phase him hit really hard. K stayed two nights with her grandparents while we were at the beach. They really wanted to keep her and I was so hesitant, but Mark kept saying how good it would be for us to get some full nights sleep! In the end I gave in, though not without tears! I trust my in-laws completely. Watching her go was not fear of what would happen but just missing the little face that had become part of my daily life. Mark said it hit him more than he even thought.
At this point, 5 weeks into our life with Kaylin, we are completely smitten and completely in her hands. No matter how late she keeps us up, no matter how often she needs to eat, sleep, poop, we are pretty much at her disposal. I often wondered if a mother really sees how her child looks or if no matter what, she thought her own baby was beautiful. Now I know, YES! No matter what has gone on, how the relationship came about, what the baby looks like, mothers and fathers, once bonded, it's like cement. Everything we do is for this little girl. When she actually looks at us and waves those little arms, our hearts just melt. What a great gift God has given us, that love between parents and children.
So, for other adoptive parents, or possibly even birth parents, bonding may not be like in the movies. Everyone loves babies, but there will come a moment, or a series of moments when you realize that you would give anything for the child.
I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next and on my heart has been the topic of bonding. I have heard so many mothers say. "I loved him/her the instant I saw her." I wondered how it would be adopting. If this was a book or movie then I would say, "As soon as we saw her we knew she was our baby." That is just not the case though. Maybe because we were so gun-shy from the last time, but it took a while to really bond with Kaylin. Now, don't get me wrong, we loved her immediately, but it was love in the same way that I love the babies my friends all have. Each day we visited her in the hospital was great, but we both really looked forward to bringing her home and feeling truly like she belonged with us. I can't say when it hit me exactly. I remember a couple of times in the first couple of weeks feeling like, wow, this is really it, she is really my daughter. But it wasn't something that hit me all over. I think it was about two weeks in that I was just overcome with that feeling of love and something else. It was completely all consuming. But it came and went. And for the next few weeks I felt it more and more. It was such a gradual thing. One night, looking at that face, I just realized that she was all I had ever wanted. Or more to the point, all I wanted right then.
I was curious how Mark felt about her and all that we had gone through. The daddy perspective is not something that we hear because boys/men are not conditioned to talk about how they feel. But they have their rare moments, and he shared that he felt a lot like I had. He didn't love her all at once, but it was so gradual, that once it happened it almost over took him. He had moments that he didn't think would phase him hit really hard. K stayed two nights with her grandparents while we were at the beach. They really wanted to keep her and I was so hesitant, but Mark kept saying how good it would be for us to get some full nights sleep! In the end I gave in, though not without tears! I trust my in-laws completely. Watching her go was not fear of what would happen but just missing the little face that had become part of my daily life. Mark said it hit him more than he even thought.
At this point, 5 weeks into our life with Kaylin, we are completely smitten and completely in her hands. No matter how late she keeps us up, no matter how often she needs to eat, sleep, poop, we are pretty much at her disposal. I often wondered if a mother really sees how her child looks or if no matter what, she thought her own baby was beautiful. Now I know, YES! No matter what has gone on, how the relationship came about, what the baby looks like, mothers and fathers, once bonded, it's like cement. Everything we do is for this little girl. When she actually looks at us and waves those little arms, our hearts just melt. What a great gift God has given us, that love between parents and children.
So, for other adoptive parents, or possibly even birth parents, bonding may not be like in the movies. Everyone loves babies, but there will come a moment, or a series of moments when you realize that you would give anything for the child.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
I'm Having Their Baby - tv show review
Now that we are post-placement, I was able to watch a few episodes of I'm Having Their Baby on Oxygen or Lifetime or some other lady channel. My first impression was that it was a pretty good interpretation of the side of the birth mothers. Upon further thought and inspection, there are definitely some issues that really get my goat. First, it seems that most episodes have two stories, one inevitably backs out of the adoption, the other follows through. This gives the impression that 50% of birth mothers back out. Okay, not true. One of the first things our Greenville attorney told us was that there is about a 10% interruption rate. Even if that is on the low end, it is no where near 50%. I could not bring myself to watch the show prior to getting our sweet Kaylin and thank God!! How disheartening for an adoptive parent to see so many birth mothers changing their minds.
The second really irritating thing was the people surrounding the birth mothers and the "advice" they give them. In our first adoption plan, we heard after the fact that the birth mother had a lot of people in her ear giving her bad advice. This show epitomizes that!! One episode in particular showed a girl planning to place her child for adoption and she and the father go to talk to his mother. The mother proceeds to tell them that God doesn't make mistakes and she just thinks they should find a way to make it work. Her mother had 10 kids and she kept every one of them. Oh my blood was boiling. At what point do you want to end the cycle. I think it is totally admirable for a person to make sacrifices to keep their children. I also think it is completely selfless to realize that no matter how many sacrifices you make, it might not be the life you want your child to live. God certainly doesn't make mistakes, but He allows people to. And thank goodness! Otherwise how many parents would never be parents?? These people say they are supporting their friends, sisters, daughters, but what they are really doing is judging. I know that I am on the other side of the issue, but how can you judge a person who wants a better life for a child and for themselves for future children. All of the women on the show are doing the best they can. I know that some people make the right decision in keeping their children, but the reasons for the adoption are still there.
So, to end this tv show review, I am on the fence. I will keep watching because I am fascinated by these stories. But if any of you know someone facing this very difficult decision, please keep in mind that it is a really hard place for a person to be and supporting them doesn't have to mean you give advice or judge. It just means you stand by them and listen.
The second really irritating thing was the people surrounding the birth mothers and the "advice" they give them. In our first adoption plan, we heard after the fact that the birth mother had a lot of people in her ear giving her bad advice. This show epitomizes that!! One episode in particular showed a girl planning to place her child for adoption and she and the father go to talk to his mother. The mother proceeds to tell them that God doesn't make mistakes and she just thinks they should find a way to make it work. Her mother had 10 kids and she kept every one of them. Oh my blood was boiling. At what point do you want to end the cycle. I think it is totally admirable for a person to make sacrifices to keep their children. I also think it is completely selfless to realize that no matter how many sacrifices you make, it might not be the life you want your child to live. God certainly doesn't make mistakes, but He allows people to. And thank goodness! Otherwise how many parents would never be parents?? These people say they are supporting their friends, sisters, daughters, but what they are really doing is judging. I know that I am on the other side of the issue, but how can you judge a person who wants a better life for a child and for themselves for future children. All of the women on the show are doing the best they can. I know that some people make the right decision in keeping their children, but the reasons for the adoption are still there.
So, to end this tv show review, I am on the fence. I will keep watching because I am fascinated by these stories. But if any of you know someone facing this very difficult decision, please keep in mind that it is a really hard place for a person to be and supporting them doesn't have to mean you give advice or judge. It just means you stand by them and listen.
Monday, June 24, 2013
In the club
If you are a girl, at some point in your life, there has been a club or group that you wanted to be a part of. It might have been a group in high school or a sorority in college. If you are like me, once you got your mind set to be in the club, that was the focus, how to get in. You might have even decided you really disliked the girls already in the club at some point because you weren't a part of it. Well, as an adult, that club was motherhood for me. For a long time I didn't want to be in the club. I was perfectly happy teaching all my babies and then sending them home. Even as friends started having their own kids, I still was not convinced that club was for me. I was in the "let's be able to go and do as we please" club and I liked it. Mark and I did a lot of fun things, going out, travelling, paying off debts we acquired as young, dumb kids. Then, I started to get the bug. Maybe the motherhood club was something I should look into. I did some "research". I watched friends, family, coworkers, to see how they handled being in the club and still having a life. As time went on, I decided I wanted to be in the club. Mark and I discussed and decided we were ready to join. So we did what most people do, we thought once we decided to join, we would get in right away. Truth be told, once I set my mind to things, I was used to getting my way. If I wanted to be in the club, then I would get in. And as you all know from following my blog and being in our lives, we hit a hard reality. Simply wanting it wouldn't make it so. I went through those phases where I didn't like the members of the club, pretty much because I couldn't get in. Friends were all joining and speaking their secret club language. It was difficult time!
But as we have finally been initiated into the club it is so gratifying. I can use the secret club language, I learned the handshake (it is pretty much try to find the other person's hand while they laugh at your bloodshot, dark circled eyes), and we have enjoyed every minute of it. It sounds like a silly comparison, but motherhood/parenthood is a club. When you are not in, you are very aware of it. You notice all those around you who are in it. You tune out of club business conversations, and even at times feel like that is all that being discussed. Then once you make it in, you get to participate! You have things to contribute!
What I learned from being out of the club for so long is that there is life outside the club. While we definitely enjoy every aspect of parenting so far, I am very conscious of those around me who are not in the club. Some have not joined by choice, others by circumstance, but regardless, there is something to be said for recognizing those who have other things going on. I hope that as time goes on, I will continue to be aware of my conversations, social media posts, etc. Just because she is the center of our lives doesn't negate what our friends and family all have going on. We love our girl, but I still want to talk about other stuff, hear about other news, and see other pictures. Still, though, I am totally thrilled to be in the club finally!!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
A week into the dream
Kaylin Lee Mixon
Weight: 6.1 lbs
Wow! It has been a week since we brought our sweet Kaylin home! And what a week. We have entertained numerous friends and family at our house and even ventured out on a couple of outings to see others. Things are going well and we are all adjusting. It is still surreal, having her home. One day we didn't have a baby, then BAM, the next day we did! But it was the best BAM :) K came home on a 3 hour eating schedule and sleeping really well. We have managed to stick with the feeding, but the sleeping seems to be not going as well. I have heard numerous thoughts on the subject - spoiling babies. We know how important it is to bond with baby and help her to feel loved and at home. So we have loved on her and held her and it is wonderful. I could snuggle her 24/7. But it is getting more difficult for her to sleep in her big crib by herself after being held all day! We are doing what most parents do, figuring out what will work, one night at a time. We have bumped up the thermostat, dressed her more warmly, tried swaddling and not swaddling. Tonight's trick will be getting some music and white noise playing for her.
Overall, we are loving being parents. Mark has been super busy at work, but he comes home and spends time with K. He does the 2am feeding, so I take the 11pm and the 5am, and usually any wake ups in between. It has worked well, and if we can get her back to sleeping at night, it will be even better. So many people have visited us and brought gifts and food, it has been awesome. I have learned that the best thing you can give a new mommy is a meal!
I am really enjoying dressing this sweet girl up in her outfits. She is still so tiny, she only fits in newborn and premie clothes, but she has plenty to grow into. We did her newborn pics and those turned out so great. I have to sit down and order some, then figure out what frames to put them in! It is probably time I changed out some pictures in our house anyways.
So now we continue to adjust to this brand new little life. In two weeks we will head to the beach, our annual trip to Edisto. We are really looking forward to that. With so many friends and baby sitters at hand, it will be a great week. K doesn't have to go back to the doctor until her two month check up in July. We do go for her follow up eye exam on Friday and her head and hip scans on Wednesday of next week. The scans are normal for babies who are breach. The eye exam is a follow up because her initial one show up premature, which makes sense because she is premature!!
Weight: 6.1 lbs
Wow! It has been a week since we brought our sweet Kaylin home! And what a week. We have entertained numerous friends and family at our house and even ventured out on a couple of outings to see others. Things are going well and we are all adjusting. It is still surreal, having her home. One day we didn't have a baby, then BAM, the next day we did! But it was the best BAM :) K came home on a 3 hour eating schedule and sleeping really well. We have managed to stick with the feeding, but the sleeping seems to be not going as well. I have heard numerous thoughts on the subject - spoiling babies. We know how important it is to bond with baby and help her to feel loved and at home. So we have loved on her and held her and it is wonderful. I could snuggle her 24/7. But it is getting more difficult for her to sleep in her big crib by herself after being held all day! We are doing what most parents do, figuring out what will work, one night at a time. We have bumped up the thermostat, dressed her more warmly, tried swaddling and not swaddling. Tonight's trick will be getting some music and white noise playing for her.
Overall, we are loving being parents. Mark has been super busy at work, but he comes home and spends time with K. He does the 2am feeding, so I take the 11pm and the 5am, and usually any wake ups in between. It has worked well, and if we can get her back to sleeping at night, it will be even better. So many people have visited us and brought gifts and food, it has been awesome. I have learned that the best thing you can give a new mommy is a meal!
I am really enjoying dressing this sweet girl up in her outfits. She is still so tiny, she only fits in newborn and premie clothes, but she has plenty to grow into. We did her newborn pics and those turned out so great. I have to sit down and order some, then figure out what frames to put them in! It is probably time I changed out some pictures in our house anyways.
So now we continue to adjust to this brand new little life. In two weeks we will head to the beach, our annual trip to Edisto. We are really looking forward to that. With so many friends and baby sitters at hand, it will be a great week. K doesn't have to go back to the doctor until her two month check up in July. We do go for her follow up eye exam on Friday and her head and hip scans on Wednesday of next week. The scans are normal for babies who are breach. The eye exam is a follow up because her initial one show up premature, which makes sense because she is premature!!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Our Gotcha Day - Tuesday, June 11
Today began as any other summer day... woke up, hit the gym, came home. Then I began all the last minute preps for what would be the biggest event since our wedding - our Gotcha Day! I think my previous blog gave a brief overview of what went on so I will try to go into more detail now.
We responded to a Bethany recruitment email about two and a half weeks ago about a baby that was already born. She was small and needing a family. We read through, discussed, and decided to go for it. So we responded yes. Then we got a response saying we were one of 10 families who were interested. We received more info on the baby's medical status and the mother. Once again, we read, discussed, and I just felt this tugging. I knew this was the one. Now, I will say I still had doubts. There were some things we were concerned about and I was worried. But I just knew we needed to say yes. I still didn't think that meant we were getting her, but I knew we should say yes. So we did! We received an email saying we were one of 5 families. They would let us know when the mother chose. And so life went on. I began our last week of school, enjoying time with the kids and my coworkers. All the while waiting, really I totally expected to get the email that said a family had been chosen. I have come to some realizations over the last week through all this. I have always trusted God's plan. I didn't necessarily like it, but I trusted it. I still struggled though with the idea that God answers prayers and God has a plan. It didn't make sense to me that he would have a plan but He would answer your specific prayers. Well, let me tell you. I have realized that God's plan may not be set in stone. These are just my thoughts, so keep that in mind. But when we got the phone call Thursday that the birth mother had chosen us AND she had already signed the papers, I was like "HALLELUIAH!" That is EXACTLY what I prayed for. And I realized that God does answer our prayers, but He does it in a way that will work the best for His plan. I am probably not saying this the way I hear it in my head, but I am trying!
So anyways, we found out Thursday and by Friday we were able to start visiting her in the hospital. She was moved out of NICU into the regular nursery. We went up for a couple of hours each day through the weekend until yesterday. Then we signed the placement papers and attended a CPR class today. The sweet nurses at the hospital took such great care of her and of us when we were there. We came home this afternoon and Kaylin got to meet her grandparents on both sides, her Uncle Matt, and her Aunt Melissa and Brooks. There are so many people eager to meet her and get some loving and we are so excited to share her. She is amazing and adorable and we are so very blessed. We will continue to thank God every day for everything we have been through that led us to this day. I know the trials aren't over... we have just entered a new phase of trials and adventures and we look forward to all of them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)