My OLW for 2016

I recently discovered/rediscovered a new take on New Year's Resolutions.  I follow the https://twowritingteachers.wordpress.com/ blog and instead of making resolutions, they write about their OLW, or One Little Word for the year.  This word can represent so much and I love that it covers much more than a resolution I'll probably forget about within a week.
So I decided that my OLW for 2016 is going to be EMBRACE.
2015 was a challenging year for me job-wise. I took on a new role as a literacy coach in 2014 and spent much of 2015 trying to find my way around that new role.  I can say I grew so much from the first year to this second year.  And I am continuing to learn more about myself as a person and as a professional.  I miss working with kids, but I get to work with a lot more kids in all different grades.  I also have had the opportunity to meet and learn from a whole other staff, being split between two schools.  But while I was learning and navigating, I encountered lots of bumps.
Hence the reason for my OLW.  This year, in 2016, I want to embrace.

Embrace challenges
We all know it, say it, preach it even -- embrace challenges, it's how you learn from them! But sometimes we say we are embracing when really all we are doing is complaining and looking for a way out.  So this year I want to truly embrace the challenges as learning opportunities.  I want to take time to reflect on challenging situations and see what good can come out of them.  And I want to complain about them less.

Embrace 2 and 3
My little munchkin is 2 and a half.  And this has been challenging.  She is a strong-willed, smart, precocious child who is giving us a run for our money.  And she's amazing.  Every day she says and does things that has us in stitches.  Our most common saying these days is, "Where did that come from??" So I have been told that it's possible 3 might contain even more challenges.  As stated above, with challenges come learning, so I want to embrace all that we are experiencing this year.  Time is flying and she is growing so fast.  We won't get this time back, even the bad times.  So even though she is not a hugger, I'll be embracing her. :)

Embrace Ideas
I have definitely seen a shift in a lot of my ideas.  I have learned so much about working with adults and how important it is to value the ideas of others, even if they are in contradiction with my own.  God wants us not to judge others, but love them.  It's not my job to critique and judge.  It is my job to work with others and learn from each other.  This goes for my job as a coach, a mother and wife, and a friend and colleague.

Children's Books - a Breakdown of the types of books authors write

As a teacher, a literacy coach, and now a mom, I have been reading children's books for a long time.  I am an avid reader anyways, but as a teacher, I learned to read books in a more evaluative way.  As a mom, I have been reading books to Kay that I consider "good books".  Most of our books have been gifts from other moms and teachers, those with experience in reading books.  I got to thinking the other day, though, about the millions of books out there for kids.  Right now, we are into the touchy, feely books, the ones that you can rub the fur on the animals.  I know how important reading is to the development of a child, so we read every day.  And I know it's paying off because Kay will go pull her books off the shelf and "read" on her own, which might be my proudest moment.
Anyways, when you go to a bookstore, or browse the websites, you are literally inundated with books for kids: books about animals, books about people; sad books and happy books; multicultural books; books about families, friends, enemies, farting... You name it, I bet you can find a book about it.  So I started thinking what the motivation might be for some of these authors.  Here are the categories I have put these books into.  This list will not be complete.  I am sure as time goes on I'll have to add to it and re-evaluate some of my categories.

1. Books written to make moms (and dads) cry
There are some books out there I know the authors wrote with the sole intention of making us cry.  Those are the books you get at baby showers or as newborn gifts that you can't read after the first time because you can't read the book without sobbing.  That is a very ineffective way to put a kid to bed, crying over a book.  These books include:

• Oh the Places You'll Go (though I think we have been desensitized to this one)
• Love You Forever (which I'll admit, creeps me out)
• I Love You Through and Through

2. Books written to irritate moms (any maybe get dads to read)
Honestly, I will NEVER buy a book about farting, pooping, boogers, or any other bodily function that I won't talk about at the dinner table.  My mother raised me to have manners and act like a lady.  Because of that, I don't tell stories about my poop and I don't want to read about other people's.  Yes, there are actually books out there like this.  There are a lot of great educators out there who will say that if this is the only book you can get your kid to read, then you read it.  Nope, not this one.  If this is really the only book I can get my kid to read, I will try harder.

• Walter the Farting Dog (it's actually a series!)
• Captain Underpants (Uggghhh)
• Billy's Farting Adventure (seriously??)

3. Books written to extend bedtime well into the night

When an author sits down to write a children's book, what possesses them to make it 30 pages?? Dr. Suess, I'm calling you out on this one! I love a good rhyming book, but bedtime is supposed to be relaxing for all involved.  When I am too tired to read through an entire book because it keeps going on and on and on, but my munchkin is eagerly awaiting the end (even though it's been read 5, 10 times before) bedtime has become the dreaded story that never ends. For my friend Melissa, the Berenstein Bears are on this list.

4.  Books written for specific people

In this day and age we can't leave anyone out... no one.  You can find books for grandma and grandpa.  You can find books for aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents.  You can find books for adoptive children, multiracial children, children of divorce or death, children of gay/lesbian parents.  Because books are an easy go to, authors are popping up everywhere to explain difficult topics to children via picture books.  But Lord knows, these are not always quality!! My biggest beef with this is the fact that some people will use these books in place of a conversation with their child.  I love that you can find a jumping off point in a book.  We have our "Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born" (which for me goes up in category 1) so that when Kay starts asking, we have begun the conversation.  But that's just it, books are meant to start conversations.  

5. Books written about social issues

This goes with the above category in some ways, but we can also add that it covers historical occurrences.  Racial diversity, tensions, civil rights, there are numerous great books about these topics.  These aren't your bedtime stories for toddlers though.  These authors had a topic that was near and dear to them and found a way to bring it to the level of a child so that we don't make the same mistakes our forefathers made.  These are the books you find in classrooms, that teachers can tick off their fingers.  But they have a place for children at home too.  These are more challenging reads, so in place of a chapter book for your 4th grader, reading books like these can be a good discussion starter. 

• Jacqueline Woodson is a fab author of books like this

I will keep working on this list, but for now, that's what's on my mind! I would love to know what other categories you might have for books.

1 year

One year ago today we signed the papers giving us "custody" of Kaylin.  And one year ago tomorrow we brought that little tiny baby home with us.  I have blogged throughout the year, so our journey is no secret.  I am not exactly a closed book either :) But one year into parenthood and I could not imagine a better place.  Mark and I celebrated 10 years of marriage last weekend and 1 year with Kaylin.  I have no words for how happy we are.  Well, that's clearly not true, if I had no words, I wouldn't be blogging about it! I have lots of words... happy, ecstatic, over the moon, completely in love, smitten.  I could go on.  But every mom reading this knows those words and more. Kaylin has grown and exceeded our every expectation for growth and for love.  She is a healthy baby, crawling all over the place, learning something new every day.  I honestly don't know how we do anything other than talk to her and stare at her.  She lights up our days with her toothy smile.  We are the typical smitten first parents, I know.  Every night we read stories and pray to God.  I always pray such thanks for the blessing He placed in our lives and I pray her birth mother has peace in knowing what an amazing decision she made. 
Okay, this is somewhat of a rambling blog, but I felt like I needed to update everyone near and far on this anniversary of our "Gotcha Day".  Becoming parents was not an easy road for us.  I spent a long time thinking I never wanted to be a parent.  When we made the decision, we knew that it was going to be God's plan.  We couldn't have foreseen what He had in mind for us.  I don't know if we went down the wrong paths until we came around to where He wanted us all along, or if that was the path God wanted us to go down.  Either way, the rewards have far outweighed the struggles.  I have an app on my phone that updates me on my facebook, photos, twitter, etc from previous years.  Ironically, as the photos from last year are showing up, so are the posts to FB from 4 years ago when I was in the hospital suffering from complications from our fertility treatments.  Much like reading the posts from January when I was reminded of our most hurtful loss, those events 4 years ago are just a rung on our ladder. 
Kaylin Lee Mixon has been the most amazing addition to our lives.  We thank our family and friends for their support and love and continue to enjoy each and every minute of joy that K brings to our lives.  She is the blessing we didn't know was missing. 

Who is this person??

I have been writing this blog in my head for days, no months.  Every time something comes up that I look around and think, who said that?? When happy hour continues but someone says, "I have to get home before the baby goes to bed", or a weekend away comes up and I hear, "Well, let me think, we had a really busy week and I didn't get to see the baby much, so I am not sure." Yeh, there are some out there thinking they have been waiting for this day.  When you don't have a baby until 34, you have had a lot of time to form habits and create a lifestyle that suits you just fine.  Going out, having drinks with friends, dinner with other couples, girls or boys weekends, all of that is the norm.  You are the one who is easy to plan around.  And then one day you hear yourself questioning if you got to see the baby enough.  Or you think you might not be able to go somewhere because who will pick her up from daycare.  Lord, I never saw it coming.  I mean, I knew in my head that obviously those changes come, but what I didn't realize is how easy they come.  And how seamlessly they integrate themselves into your life.  All of the sudden it is second nature to wonder if you can get home before she goes to sleep, or if your friends will care if dinner doesn't start till 8 so you can help put her to bed.  It's weird really.  I still have many nights where I think man, I would love to go out now.  But not being able to doesn't make me sad or mad.  I think it just makes me nostalgic.  That's a silly word, but the best one I can come up with. 
So this is what your life is. I can't say what someone goes through who is pregnant.  SOmeone once said to me that they wondered how I would fare when a baby came and we began losing sleep.  She said that she felt God prepared women for what was coming with pregnancy and since I was not going to have that preparation.  It came from a curious place, and I really did not think much of it.  But that has stuck with me because I have thought about that since we got the baby.  After our first match, we prayed for a baby to come to us with no frills, just a phone call and done.  And God provided.  But that also meant we had to make some immediate adjustments to our life that most can make gradually.  We didn't suffer in the way I think my friend was worried about - sleeplessness, mostly.  But I would say we have had some adjustments hit us in different ways.  Today, at our first 'friend' birthday party, I made Mark go with us.  This was just one of many times I have laughed at the changes that have occurred.  But I kept thinking, the other dads of Kaylin's 'friends' will be there, so Mark should get used to this! And he never batted an eye.  I am sure at some point he had the same thought I have had many times -- who is this person?? But here we are, making choices and decisions that we never expected!
Choices such as:
         Who will pick up the baby today? One is golfing, the other working the school carnival.
          Can I go on that girls weekend? I will have school all week so will I get to see the baby enough?
         So everyone is going home this early? Super! The baby will be up at 6am anyways :)
          What should we do this weekend? Anyone wanna have all the kids at their house?

Now, all that being said, I do feel I am still the same person.  I am very cognizant of when we are around people who are not parents.  I make a conscious effort to have other things to talk about outside of Kaylin.  I am always thinking of how I felt before we had Kaylin and how I needed my friends to be able to talk about other things.  I try really hard to be the friend who can do that.  I think so often moms lose themselves in being moms.  I cherish my friends who are moms with me, especially those that are new moms with me.  But I also try really hard to value those friends who are in different places, who have different and just as important priorities.  I was there, I remember how it felt. 

What I have learned - Baby perspective

Baby here.  Read Mommy's blog and thought I should add my perspective.  I had a lot to learn this year, since I knew nothing before.  So here is what I have learned in my almost eight months of life:

1- Play dates -- They say these things are for babies, so we can get "socialized".  Yeah, from what I can tell, they are really just an excuse for mommies (and sometimes daddies) to get together, gab, and more often than not, have a drink or two.  What I have gathered is that they used to call these Happy Hour, but had to change the name when the kids came along.

2 - Crying -- Most of the time I have no idea why I am crying but I have figured out that when I cry, good things happen.  For example, last night I wasn't tired so I cried.  First daddy came in and rocked me.   Then I still wasn't tired so I cried some more and mommy came in and took me to bed with them.  SCORE!

3 - Baby Food -- What is this stuff?? It all tastes weird.  All these flavors mixed together, more flavors than I have ever had in my life! And it does not look like what mommy and daddy are eating at all.  Why can't I just have that?

4 - Snot -- I am not sure why mommy hates it so much.  I can't help that I have so much of it.  But any time there is the slightest drip she comes at me with the sucky thing and the tissues and sticks stuff in my nose! Come on MOM!

5 - Puppy Brother -- I love that guy.  He lets me grab his face and pet him and he keeps coming back for more.  And he is so funny looking!

6 - Aunties -- Evidently I have like 50 of them.  They all have high pitched voices and are hilarious.  They find themselves very funny which usually makes me laugh.  But they always bring me prizes and snuggles so I am not complaining.  Plus most of them are way more comfortable to lay on than mom.  

These are just a few of the things I have learned.  I will continue to advise mommy on her blogging so we can give you insight into both of our perspectives.
Baby - Out

What we have learned

Over 6 months into this parenthood journey and I thought I would share some of the thing things we have learned.  I will give both Mark's and my leanrings, though his didn't come from his mouth, just my observations.  They are pretty spot on though, if you ask me.

Mom
1 - Schedule is a fictional word made up by someone who actually thinks they are controlling when and where their baby does stuff, instead of the other way around.  I can't make this girl eat or sleep any more than I can stand to wear white and off white together.
2 - She will be dressed better than me.  Why not, no one is looking at me when we are together anyways.
3 - There is no sweeter sight than a smile, no sweeter sound than a laugh, and no more painful sound than crying -- painful for mommy and daddy, not baby.  
4 - Laying out clothes for her to wear is a suggestion for daddy.  If I want her to wear any accessories I better stash them in her bag or the car to be sure.
5 - Developmental milestones are general - they don't apply to every baby all the time.  A preemie will be a preemie for the first two years, no matter how big she gets.  I think that falls in the same line of thought as your baby always being your baby, no matter how old they are.  

Dad
1 - Ruffles go in the back.
2 - Tags go in the back.  Evidently boys don't have tags in their clothes so they don't know this??
3 - There is a difference between tights and pants.  No clue what the difference is but he knows there is one.
4 - You can't put your baby in a bubble.
5 - You still can't put your baby in a bubble.  The world is out there, the best you can do is wash your hands and hers, cause mama isn't gonna stay in the house with her all day every day.
6 - When mommy lays out clothes they are merely a suggestion.  Pick and choose what you like out of the chosen outfit.  Matching is optional.


Both
We figured but have confirmed that daddies are just as good at parenting as mommies.  In our house, daddy is probably better! I am not afraid to go out for a night or a weekend and leave the baby with daddy any more than he is afraid to go out and leave me home with the baby.

Your life changes as much as you choose for it to change.  You can still go out, you can still have fun, but how and when is up to you.  Babies are portable, sitters are available (though not cheap), and places are open early and late! You have to be more flexible, but it is possible.

Grandparents are a Godsend!! Not sure where we would be without our parents being so in love with this girl.

I am sure I will think of more but it was time to dust off the keyboard and let everyone know how things were going!! This journey continues to be the best ever!! 

Bonding

I have kind of wondered where to take this blog now that our "journey" to adoption is technically over.  We are on a whole new journey of course, but the original purpose of this blog was to keep people up to speed on where we were with the adoption.  I'll start with that... we have our baby :-) The next step is finalization.  We have not received our court date yet, but typically that is about three months from placement.  We have spent the last month getting to know our girl, going to doctor's appts, visiting friends and family, and even squeezing in a vacation! It has been a very busy and exciting time.
     I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next and on my heart has been the topic of bonding.  I have heard so many mothers say. "I loved him/her the instant I saw her."  I wondered how it would be adopting.  If this was a book or movie then I would say, "As soon as we saw her we knew she was our baby." That is just not the case though.  Maybe because we were so gun-shy from the last time, but it took a while to really bond with Kaylin.  Now, don't get me wrong, we loved her immediately, but it was love in the same way that I love the babies my friends all have.  Each day we visited her in the hospital was great, but we both really looked forward to bringing her home and feeling truly like she belonged with us.  I can't say when it hit me exactly.  I remember a couple of times in the first couple of weeks feeling like, wow, this is really it, she is really my daughter.  But it wasn't something that hit me all over.  I think it was about two weeks in that I was just overcome with that feeling of love and something else. It was completely all consuming.  But it came and went.  And for the next few weeks I felt it more and more.  It was such a gradual thing.  One night, looking at that face, I just realized that she was all I had ever wanted.  Or more to the point, all I wanted right then.
     I was curious how Mark felt about her and all that we had gone through.  The daddy perspective is not something that we hear because boys/men are not conditioned to talk about how they feel.  But they have their rare moments, and he shared that he felt a lot like I had.  He didn't love her all at once, but it was so gradual, that once it happened it almost over took him. He had moments that he didn't think would phase him hit really hard.  K stayed two nights with her grandparents while we were at the beach.  They really wanted to keep her and I was so hesitant, but Mark kept saying how good it would be for us to get some full nights sleep! In the end I gave in, though not without tears! I trust my in-laws completely.  Watching her go was not fear of what would happen but just missing the little face that had become part of my daily life.  Mark said it hit him more than he even thought.
     At this point, 5 weeks into our life with Kaylin, we are completely smitten and completely in her hands.  No matter how late she keeps us up, no matter how often she needs to eat, sleep, poop, we are pretty much at her disposal.  I often wondered if a mother really sees how her child looks or if no matter what, she thought her own baby was beautiful.  Now I know, YES! No matter what has gone on, how the relationship came about, what the baby looks like, mothers and fathers, once bonded, it's like cement.  Everything we do is for this little girl.  When she actually looks at us and waves those little arms, our hearts just melt.  What a great gift God has given us, that love between parents and children.

So, for other adoptive parents, or possibly even birth parents, bonding may not be like in the movies.  Everyone loves babies, but there will come a moment, or a series of moments when you realize that you would give anything for the child.

I'm Having Their Baby - tv show review

Now that we are post-placement, I was able to watch a few episodes of I'm Having Their Baby on Oxygen or Lifetime or some other lady channel.  My first impression was that it was a pretty good interpretation of the side of the birth mothers.  Upon further thought and inspection, there are definitely some issues that really get my goat.  First, it seems that most episodes have two stories, one inevitably backs out of the adoption, the other follows through.  This gives the impression that 50% of birth mothers back out.  Okay, not true.  One of the first things our Greenville attorney told us was that there is about a 10% interruption rate.  Even if that is on the low end, it is no where near 50%.  I could not bring myself to watch the show prior to getting our sweet Kaylin and thank God!! How disheartening for an adoptive parent to see so many birth mothers changing their minds.
The second really irritating thing was the people surrounding the birth mothers and the "advice" they give them.  In our first adoption plan, we heard after the fact that the birth mother had a lot of people in her ear giving her bad advice.  This show epitomizes that!! One episode in particular showed a girl planning to place her child for adoption and she and the father go to talk to his mother.  The mother proceeds to tell them that God doesn't make mistakes and she just thinks they should find a way to make it work. Her mother had 10 kids and she kept every one of them.  Oh my blood was boiling.  At what point do you want to end the cycle.  I think it is totally admirable for a person to make sacrifices to keep their children.  I also think it is completely selfless to realize that no matter how many sacrifices you make, it might not be the life you want your child to live.  God certainly doesn't make mistakes, but He allows people to.  And thank goodness! Otherwise how many parents would never be parents?? These people say they are supporting their friends, sisters, daughters, but what they are really doing is judging.  I know that I am on the other side of the issue, but how can  you judge a person who wants a better life for a child and for themselves for future children.  All of the women on the show are doing the best they can.  I know that some people make the right decision in keeping their children, but the reasons for the adoption are still there.
So, to end this tv show review, I am on the fence.  I will keep watching because I am fascinated by these stories.  But if any of you know someone facing this very difficult decision, please keep in mind that it is a really hard place for a person to be and supporting them doesn't have to mean you give advice or judge.  It just means you stand by them and listen.

In the club

If you are a girl, at some point in your life, there has been a club or group that you wanted to be a part of.  It might have been a group in high school or a sorority in college.  If you are like me, once you got your mind set to be in the club, that was the focus, how to get in.  You might have even decided you really disliked the girls already in the club at some point because you weren't a part of it.  Well, as an adult, that club was motherhood for me.  For a long time I didn't want to be in the club.  I was perfectly happy teaching all my babies and then sending them home.  Even as friends started having their own kids, I still was not convinced that club was for me.  I was in the "let's be able to go and do as we please" club and I liked it.  Mark and I did a lot of fun things, going out, travelling, paying off debts we acquired as young, dumb kids.  Then, I started to get the bug.  Maybe the motherhood club was something I should look into.  I did some "research".  I watched friends, family, coworkers, to see how they handled being in the club and still having a life.  As time went on, I decided I wanted to be in the club.  Mark and I discussed and decided we were ready to join.  So we did what most people do, we thought once we decided to join, we would get in right away.  Truth be told, once I set my mind to things, I was used to getting my way.  If I wanted to be in the club, then I would get in.  And as you all know from following my blog and being in our lives, we hit a hard reality. Simply wanting it wouldn't make it so.  I went through those phases where I didn't like the members of the club, pretty much because I couldn't get in.  Friends were all joining and speaking their secret club language.  It was difficult time! 

But as we have finally been initiated into the club it is so gratifying.  I can use the secret club language, I learned the handshake (it is pretty much try to find the other person's hand while they laugh at your bloodshot, dark circled eyes), and we have enjoyed every minute of it.  It sounds like a silly comparison, but motherhood/parenthood is a club.  When you are not in, you are very aware of it.  You notice all those around  you who are in it.  You tune out of club business conversations, and even at times feel like that is all that being discussed.  Then once you make it in, you get to participate! You have things to contribute!

What I learned from being out of the club for so long is that there is life outside the club.  While we definitely enjoy every aspect of parenting so far, I am very conscious of those around me who are not in the club.  Some have not joined by choice, others by circumstance, but regardless, there is something to be said for recognizing those who have other things going on.  I hope that as time goes on, I will continue to be aware of my conversations, social media posts, etc.  Just because she is the center of our lives doesn't negate what our friends and family all have going on.  We love our girl, but I still want to talk about other stuff, hear about other news, and see other pictures.  Still, though, I am totally thrilled to be in the club finally!!

A week into the dream

Kaylin Lee Mixon
Weight: 6.1 lbs


Wow! It has been a week since we brought our sweet Kaylin home! And what a week.  We have entertained numerous friends and family at our house and even ventured out on a couple of outings to see others.  Things are going well and we are all adjusting.  It is still surreal, having her home.  One day we didn't have a baby, then BAM, the next day we did! But it was the best BAM :) K came home on a 3 hour eating schedule and sleeping really well.  We have managed to stick with the feeding, but the sleeping seems to be not going as well.  I have heard numerous thoughts on the subject - spoiling babies.  We know how important it is to bond with baby and help her to feel loved and at home.  So we have loved on her and held her and it is wonderful.  I could snuggle her 24/7.  But it is getting more difficult for her to sleep in her big crib by herself after being held all day! We are doing what most parents do, figuring out what will work, one night at a time.  We have bumped up the thermostat, dressed her more warmly, tried swaddling and not swaddling.  Tonight's trick will be getting some music and white noise playing for her.
Overall, we are loving being parents.  Mark has been super busy at work, but he comes home and spends time with K.  He does the 2am feeding, so I take the 11pm and the 5am, and usually any wake ups in between.  It has worked well, and if we can get her back to sleeping at night, it will be even better.  So many people have visited us and brought gifts and food, it has been awesome.  I have learned that the best thing you can give a new mommy is a meal!
I am really enjoying dressing this sweet girl up in her outfits.  She is still so tiny, she only fits in newborn and premie clothes, but she has plenty to grow into.  We did her newborn pics and those turned out so great.  I have to sit down and order some, then figure out what frames to put them in! It is probably time I changed out some pictures in our house anyways.
So now we continue to adjust to this brand new little life.  In two weeks we will head to the beach, our annual trip to Edisto.  We are really looking forward to that.  With so many friends and baby sitters at hand, it will be a great week.  K doesn't have to go back to the doctor until her two month check up in July.  We do go for her follow up eye exam on Friday and her head and hip scans on Wednesday of next week.  The scans are normal for babies who are breach.  The eye exam is a follow up because her initial one show up premature, which makes sense because she is premature!!

Our Gotcha Day - Tuesday, June 11

Today began as any other summer day... woke up, hit the gym, came home.  Then I began all the last minute preps for what would be the biggest event since our wedding - our Gotcha Day! I think my previous blog gave a brief overview of what went on so I will try to go into more detail now.  

     We responded to a Bethany recruitment email about two and a half weeks ago about a baby that was already born.  She was small and needing a family.  We read through, discussed, and decided to go for it.  So we responded yes.  Then we got a response saying we were one of 10 families who were interested.  We received more info on the baby's medical status and the mother. Once again, we read, discussed, and I just felt this tugging.  I knew this was the one.  Now, I will say I still had doubts.  There were some things we were concerned about and I was worried.  But I just knew we needed to say yes.  I still didn't think that meant we were getting her, but I knew we should say yes.  So we did! We received an email saying we were one of 5 families.  They would let us know when the mother chose.  And so life went on.  I began our last week of school, enjoying time with the kids and my coworkers.  All the while waiting, really I totally expected to get the email that said a family had been chosen.  I have come to some realizations over the last week through all this.  I have always trusted God's plan.  I didn't necessarily like it, but I trusted it.  I still struggled though with the idea that God answers prayers and God has a plan.  It didn't make sense to me that he would have a plan but He would answer your specific prayers.  Well, let me tell you. I have realized that God's plan may not be set in stone.  These are just my thoughts, so keep that in mind.  But when we got the phone call Thursday that the birth mother had chosen us AND she had already signed the papers, I was like "HALLELUIAH!" That is EXACTLY what I prayed for.  And I realized that God does answer our prayers, but He does it in a way that will work the best for His plan.  I am probably not saying this the way I hear it in my head, but I am trying! 

     So anyways, we found out Thursday and by Friday we were able to start visiting her in the hospital.  She was moved out of NICU into the regular nursery.  We went up for a couple of hours each day through the weekend until yesterday.  Then we signed the placement papers and attended a CPR class today.  The sweet nurses at the hospital took such great care of her and of us when we were there.  We came home this afternoon and Kaylin got to meet her grandparents on both sides, her Uncle Matt, and her Aunt Melissa and Brooks.  There are so many people eager to meet her and get some loving and we are so excited to share her.  She is amazing and adorable and we are so very blessed.  We will continue to thank God every day for everything we have been through that led us to this day.  I know the trials aren't over... we have just entered a new phase of trials and adventures and we look forward to all of them!

The phone call that changed our summer-- written Sunday

As I wrapped up the school year this week, my mind was racing with all I needed to do to finish and all I needed to do to get summer started! Each summer I do some tutoring and host book clubs for my former students to keep them reading and spend more time with them.  Then on Thursday (June 6), I got the phone call that would change all those plans.
     I will give all the back story later, but for now I just want to share the good news :) Our social worker from Bethany called to tell me that a birth mother had chosen us to be parents to her baby.  Not only that, but she had already signed relinquishment papers!! This was what we had been praying for.  The baby was here, the papers were signed, and there was no going  back! It was the best, weirdest feeling.  I got to tell Mark that we were chosen and we talked through some of the information.  The baby had been born premature a month earlier.  She was in the NICU and the next 24 hours were spent with me finishing up school with my kiddos and us getting things in line to go visit our baby!
      The hardest part of the whole thing was the waiting.  It is now Sunday and we we have been up to see the baby twice.  She is in the regular nursery and she is doing so well.  We are trying so hard to keep a lid on the news.  We have shared with our families and a few friends, but part of what we are looking forward to is letting the families and friends know about baby Kaylin but just showing up with her!
     Kaylin is currently 5lbs 7oz and she is eating all on her own.  She was born May 5 and weighed 3lbs 6ozs.  So she is gaining weight so well.  Yesterday they took out her feeding tube and she has to keep gaining weight through the weekend.  If she does well, they can discharge her Monday or Tuesday.  And then the fun begins :-)
We can't wait to introduce everyone to Kaylin Lee Mixon.  I will end this blog entry by saying that God is so good.  After all we have been through, I have prayed and prayed for us to get a baby that was already here, papers signed, and that is just what God gave us.  What an amazing Lord we have!!

These are the days of our lives

     Many of you like to keep up with what is happening on our journey and I often have absolutely nothing to report.  But in an effort to keep you all in the loop, I do have a story to share.  We got a call from our attorney's office last week and they had a birth mother they wanted us to meet.  You can imagine I was beyond excited to see that 864 number come up on my phone.  I spent the next few minutes getting all the details, writing them down so I could make sure to share them with the hubs correctly, and then making the call to him.  He said was talking 90 miles an hour, but you know how excited I was.  I proceeded to hit the gym and give him some unprecedented time to think without me staring at him.  When I got home, we agreed that we were definitely interested in meeting the BM.  I called the office manager back and gave her the news.  She said the next step was to work up the budget for us so we would know what to expect financially.  The next day she called to tell us that the cost would be $25,000.  This was the tip top of our budget, but we said we were still good.  The weekend came and we looked forward to setting up a meeting.  On Sunday, the sweet lady called back to tell me that the cost was actually $30,000.  We were going to be paying for several months of living expenses.   You can imagine how Mr. Logical reacted.  The next 24 hours in our house were tense, stressful, and just plain yuck.  I just felt like I couldn't say no and Mark felt like we couldn't afford to say yes.  After several discussions, Mark finally said it was up to me.  So I called the attorney's office and talked with the lady M.  M said she would talk to the Ray and see if they could get the budget down.  I didn't even know this was an option!! So by the end of the day, we had figured out some things that would make this affordable for us.  Meeting time and place was set, all we had to do was feel comfortable with the BM and her with us and it would be a match!
      Tuesday we head up to Greenville to meet the BM.  Ray gives us the "there are no red flags at this point, but you know how this can go" speech.  Oh yes, we know how this can go! So we waited --- and waited --- and nothing.  She didn't show up.  She did not even show up to meet us.  They apologized for having us drive up there and then this happening.  We got in the car and drove on home.  By the time we got back home, all I could do was laugh.  Seriously.  A no-show.  Evidently we have a sign over us that says, "Hey, please jerk us around, we can handle it!"
      Anyways, we still have not heard why she didn't show up and truly, it could be anything.  Part of me worries that something happened to her.  Her situation was pretty sad, so it is possible that not showing up wasn't her fault.  But she was also young and early in her pregnancy, so it is also possible she just ditched us.  Whichever it is, we have to believe that the Lord has something better planned.  In the meantime, we continue to be a source of humor for Him.
     And for those of you who are wondering, we are fine.  No tears were shed over this.  It was exciting at first, but it didn't work and that's okay.  The good things to come from all of this include the fact that the attorney tried to match us with someone already and it has only been two months, we have certainly garnered more sympathy in that office than we had, and we have yet another story to share with our friends and others.
     This road has been long, bumpy, and tough.  I just continue to pray that the end of this journey is coming, whether that is with a baby or the peace of mind that we were meant for other things.

The waiting, oh the waiting!

The hardest part of the last few months has been the waiting.  Weeks go by with nothing new to report.  At the point when we finally do get our baby, I won't know what to with myself when I am not waiting for something.  But then, I guess I will have shifted my waiting to something else.  Anyways, I have been really happy with the lawyer so far, you know, with the obvious exception of a lack of baby. :-) But really, working with Ray's office has been so easy.  They helped critique our photo book and make it appealing to birth moms.  They have emailed us to introduce themselves and just made us feel really good about this decision.  

We are working on our fundraisers.  The puzzle pieces are selling well... 382 so far.  I am hoping to sell 1000 pieces.  The unfortunate part of changing venues for our adoption is that the cost is more.  We have raised and saved so much over the last couple of years, but according to the attorney's office it could cost $25,000.  I have to try really hard to not let the money get me down.  I think that when the baby is there, the money will be too.  This is all truly a test of our faith and trust in the Lord.

Anyways, we are also working on a golf tournament.  More to the point, Mark is working on it.  He is waiting to hear back from the course on the date.  Once we have that firmed up, you'll all have to get your clubs polished and your golf cleats... brushed? I don't know, I'm obviously not a golfer.  I'll be the one driving the beer cart!!

So I will end by saying thank you for your continued support.  Your prayers, your thoughts, your words of encouragement are all the things that get me through the low times and pick me up.  It is so amazing to have the friends and family behind us that we do.  THANK YOU!

Our Missing Piece...

Hey all!
We are raising funds again to help alleviate costs for our adoption.  We are ordering a custom puzzle and selling the pieces.  If you are interested in helping out, just pay through Paypal below and we will write your name on the back of the pieces.
Pieces are $5 apiece or whatever you are willing to donate.

New thoughts

The last couple of weeks have been tough.  I was feeling more and more frustrated with our situation.  We have had no news on the adoption front.  We have responded to every recruitment email sent out and are not chosen each time.  That amount of rejection would get to anyone, right?? Even harder, was that I was trying to keep all this inside and not share how frustrated I was.  Most important to me in my life is being a good witness for God.  I wanted to continue to show people how much we trusted in God's plan and I felt like if I admitted how frustrated and down I was, that I would be saying I didn't trust.  But, I don't do well with keeping things inside.  It was starting to boil over and frankly I was quite crabby!
What I realized this weekend, was that by trying to handle all this myself, I was doing the opposite of what God wants us to do.  First and foremost we are to trust Him and hand over all our troubles and worries to Him.  I was trying, I really was.  But I was also not utilizing another gift, my friends.  I am so blessed with the best friends a girl could ask for.  I have them all over - at work, at home, at church.  All I had to do was use them!! Finally, I did, and with that came the relief and peace I had been looking for.
No one had answers, but what they did have was ears to listen and suggestions for what I could do while I wait. And that was just what I needed.
So, I have begun researching other adoption agencies to find out what else is out there.  Bethany has been fine, but it has been over a year with them and there is no change in sight.  And while we do that, we will be refreshing our profile and book.  Thanks to the photography skills and generosity of my friend Amanda, and with the help of several others, we will be having a little photo shoot next weekend.
We are also considering a couple of fundraisers.  One is a definite - the puzzle.  The puzzle piece has been a theme in our adoption, so we will choose a puzzle that matches our nursery.  Then we will sell the pieces for $5.  When you buy a piece, we put your name on it.  Once the pieces are sold and puzzle is put together, we frame it in glass on both sizes to hang in the nursery.
We are also thinking of doing a golf tournament.  Most of the fundraising we have done has been through my friends and myself.  A golf tournament would let Mark and his friends play a part too.  That one is still in the maybe stage.
So that's the update.  As soon as I choose a puzzle, I will get that going.  I am also looking for suggestions on agencies or attorneys to use.
I am also seeking (again) suggestions for a song for our online profile.  It can't be a song that is copyrighted, so if you have any ideas, send them on!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey and support us in body and mind and prayer.

The rest of the story

Because I started this blog to document our story, I feel like I need to document the whole thing.  I have been going back and forth about telling this last part.  We did not share it while it was occurring to protect our friends and family from more pain.  But now that it is in the past, albeit recent past, I feel like it is important to include it so that our story stays complete.  No matter how it ends, I want to remember all of it.
     My last blog ended with the birth mother changing her mind and deciding to parent the baby she had promised us for months.  We spent an excruciatingly sad weekend just trying to heal and get through the days and nights.  It was a long weekend, which was probably good.  On Monday, I decided to be brave and tackle the nursery.  Upon receiving the news the previous Friday, my sister and I went through the car and house and dumped all things baby-related into the room and shut the door.  But on Monday morning, I was feeling a bit stronger and just wanted to get that part over with.  I wanted the room cleaned up.  We are right at the end of our year cycle with Bethany, which means we need to renew our paperwork and home study.  I knew that I needed the house to look okay before our social worker came back to visit.  As I cleaned and straightened, I came across a few things the birth mother had given us the month before.  I texted the social worker to find out if they would be seeing the birth mother to return the things.  She called me back and after a brief conversation, told me that the BM had changed her mind again.  She wanted to follow through with the adoption.
     Of course, this was news I had secretly hoped for, prayed for.  But, we were as sure of this as we were of the initial signing over of rights - not sure at all.  I called Mark and when he came home we discussed what we thought, how we felt, etc.  We had a couple more conversations with our social worker and it was decided that we would meet with the birth mother later that week before she signed any papers to make sure everyone was on board and on the same page.  So another two days had to pass with knots in our stomachs and just unease.  We told no one, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up or drag their feelings through the mud if this didn't work out.
     On Wednesday, an hour before we were set to meet with the BM, she began the backing out process again.  Without going into detail, she first gave some elaborate excuses as to why she couldn't meet, which over the next two hours morphed into reasons she couldn't follow through on the adoption... again.
     So, there we were, again.  Hopes dashed.  Just sad.  I was sad.  Mark was mad.  Our social workers were beside themselves frustrated.  But the general consensus that day, and in the days since, is that God was/is protecting us from something.  We can only trust that this adoption failed because it wasn't meant to be.  This birth mother did not want to give up rights to her child and as we got closer and closer to that happening, she just couldn't do it.  I do feel angry sometimes.  I think she is selfish.  Her situation didn't change.  She had people telling her she was a bad mother for giving him to a family.  That infuriates me.  But, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be, for whatever reason.
     We are moving through the process to renew our paperwork and home study this week.  And we will continue to pray that there is a baby for us.  We don't know for sure there is, but we hope so.

Worst case scenario

Unfortunately, this is not the blog I had hoped to be posting.  The last few days have been heartbreaking.  Shortly after I finished my previous post, we got the call we had both dreaded for three months.  Our birth mother had changed her mind and decided to parent.  Naturally, we are devastated.  To be so close, to hold a baby for two days, then to have it all go away, well, you can imagine the feelings.  I have been sad, angry, frustrated, guilty, so many exhausting emotions.  I don't want to be angry with her, I know the choice she made was difficult and I don't wish any ill will on her.  However, I can't help but feel so betrayed.  We trusted her, trusted that she would make the best decision for that little boy, not a selfish one to make herself feel better.  She has told us so much over the last few months about how she can't afford anything, can barely afford the child care for her first son.  So I just sit and wonder how she will afford this one.  I am angry because I know what she took from him - a life so filled with love and parents who could afford to give him so much.  But, I don't want to be angry, anger isn't going to change what happened.  I just keep reminding myself that this wasn't our baby.  I have no idea why we were allowed to get so close and then have it not work out.  I just have to trust that it is the way it is supposed to be.
The next step? We move on.  I know from the experience of my miscarriage that the feeling in the pit of my stomach will ease with time.  We are already getting our paperwork in order to renew our home study.  This week marks a year since we became "official" with Bethany, which means everything has to be renewed - our home study, our physicals, background checks, etc.  And we wait again.  So, if you know of anyone who knows someone who can't care for their baby, you know who's looking again.

The morning of...

Today has the potential to the be the best day of our lives, the day we have waited for, worked towards, prayed for, hoped for... and it has the potential to absolutely heartbreaking.  Right now, we are waiting for the phone call that our birth mother is ready to sign the papers relinquishing custody of her baby.  I posted a blog several months ago when the realization hit me that our joy would be someone else's heartache, and we have witnessed this first hand the last two days.
On Wednesday, at 10:07am our precious little baby entered this world.  It was not without some drama, either.  Even through a c-section, he was not so easily brought into the world.  The birth mother experienced a LOT of discomfort as nurses had to push him out of her and they had to use the "vacuum" to pull him out.  He has a nice sized circular bruise on his head from that.  But he finally joined us and I was so lucky to be able to watch the whole thing and be the first little finger he held.  As they rolled him to the nursery, I watched them clean him up, check his stats, and I just stayed with him.  My mom, sister, and husband watched through the glass.  We all had the same feelings, so much joy, but still that little portion in our heads and hearts that is holding out.
The last two days have been extremely difficult.  We sat in a room with a little bundle of joy, but knowing that nothing was certain.  Our birth mother was open to friends and family visiting, but she was absolutely exhausted of course.  I knew this, but it was so hard for us to leave the baby.  We knew that every time we left, she was snuggling and loving him.  That just scared the daylights out of us and broke my heart, both for her and for us.  Yesterday, we had plans to stay up there as long as possible, until our social worker called me and said we needed to leave.  She said that our birth mother was having a really difficult time, and while she wouldn't tell us how she felt, the social workers were speaking for her.  It was all stuff I knew, but I cried.  We packed our things up and headed out, knowing that if we saw him again, it would mean he was coming home with us.
So here we are, the morning of the day that could change everything for us.  Mark is vacuuming, I am blogging, sister suggested some wine to calm the nerves :) I am pretty sure I should go for a run to work these nerves out.  We have continued to have more love, support, and prayers coming our way that we could have ever imagined.  I know this is repeating myself, but if you ever find yourself in the position where you are the recipients of so much support, you will be floored too.  Our friends, coworkers, families, everyone has rallied around us throughout all of this journey.  We know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect.  We also know that He doesn't promise life will be easy or free of tribulations, only that He promises to be there with us through everything.  So no matter what happens, we both know that it is for the best and there is a reason.
I also want to say this, watching our birth mother over the last two days has been so hard because she is not "giving up" this baby because she doesn't want him.  There is no question in my mind how much she loves him and would love to keep him.  She is making this decision in his best interests.  So if she does change her mind, then I know he will be in a loving environment.  It won't be with us, but I won't worry about him.
Hopefully the next blog I write will be describing the joy that the rest of this day brings us.  Thank you all for supporting us!! WE LOVE YOU!

He's almost here!

Well, we are truly in the "it's almost time" phase.  We are what the week of Christmas is to Christmas Day! I have spent a couple of days last week and this week tying up ends with our social worker and our attorney.  Many people have followed this because they are curious about the process as much as they care about us.  So, I figured I would devote some time to telling you what has been going on the last couple of weeks.
Between the various holidays, we have been getting things ready for the baby.  Our social worker has been in contact with us a couple of times a week to clear up some questions, make sure we are feeling good about the process, and just ease any stress we might be feeling.  And here I use "we" but actually mean "me" :).  I'm sure Mark is stressed in his own special way, but he doesn't show it!
Anyways, so I have talked with the social worker, our BM has talked with her social worker to make sure she is ready.  And on that front things are good.  She has asked us for some money to help support her after she has the baby, so she can take some time off to recover.  We are happy to do this.  It's going to be a difficult time for her, so anything we can do to ease that for her, we are willing.  It just means we tighten the belt a little and take our parents up on their offerings if we have to.  But I firmly believe at this point that God has and will continue to provide everything we need.
We have spoken with the attorney so that he could advise us of our "legal risk".  Basically that means that he has to let us know what we are looking at legally where the birth father is concerned.  In this case, he is not in the picture and is not aware of the adoption plan.  So there is a registry that they have to check.  Several years ago the courts set up this registry for men to put their names on.  In the event that a guy has sex, he is considered "on notice" that he could be a father.  So if he wants to have a legal claim, he must go on to this registry and put his name in.  This moves the burden from the courts and the adoptive parents to the birth father.  Basically if a guy wants to have any claim to a possible child, he needs to take responsibility to register himself.  That's my understanding at least. Because there is no way the father will sign away his parental rights, this is the legal way to acquire them.
So, now, we continue to wait.  We had a wonderful baby shower (and again we means me) last weekend and I have gotten everything put cleaned and put away.  It's all coming together.  While it still doesn't seem real, everyone tells me that is normal.  It's just so weird to think that this time next week we could have a baby! So weird...
I'll do another post later with some details and pics from that awesome shower.  Keep the prayers coming!