Special prayers and thanks

People keep asking me if I am excited about how close we are getting.  Generally, I give them the answer they want --yes.  But truthfully, I can't say excited is the feeling.  My best friend asked me how I was feeling and I said anxious.  In response, she gave me all the mother-to-be anxiousness thoughts.  But truthfully, none of those feelings have hit me yet.  And talking to Mark, none of them have hit him either.  Right now, we are are much more anxious about the reality of the situation we are in.  Will it go through? Will the birth mother change her mind? In a month, will we be parents???
So many of our very best friends have been through the "normal" process to becoming parents. But we are travelling a different path.  It is hard to say to your best friends, "I have no idea what you are talking about".  But the truth is, we don't, and neither do they.   Thankfully, we have such wonderful friends that they have all done everything they can to understand what we feel and what we are going through.  And I thank God for that every day.  Not everyone can say they have friends like we do.  But, man, our friends, they are amazing. 
But, for all those going through a non-traditional approach to starting a family -- it's non-traditional.  We don't feel the normal parent-to-be anxiousness because we are not there yet.  We are still in the "we hope this actually happens" phase.  My worries include: will she follow through with this adoption? How will this relationship work after the baby is born? Will we be the parents she wants for her baby? How will we handle it if she changes her mind?
The last question seems pessimistic, but to me, it is realistic.  At no point should I let that question go because I have to prepare my heart for that possibiltiy.  Only God knows what is planned for that baby. 
I recognize that every mother faces the fears of something going wrong.  However, my fears are that something I will say or do might cause our birth mother to change her mind. 
I know what good parents Mark and I would be.  But it's not up to us. 
I guess  the end to this blog is a call to prayer.  I ask for all my friends and family to pray that our birth mother makes the best decision for her and the baby, that the baby continues to grow and be healthy, and that we accept the plan that God has for us. 
We love and appreciate all the prayers and support we have had through our journey.  I know that all the mothers out there will recognize my desires and I hope will pray a special prayer for me.  Thank you!! We love you all for accompanying us on this journey. 

A Thanksgiving for remembering and laughing

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  I get to see family that I only see on the one holiday.  Everyone is grateful for what they have and where they are.  It's one of the few times a year that people can look beyond their complaints and hard times and really see how good God has been to them.  We have all had struggles and hard times, but in the end, sitting around with your cousins and aunts and uncles and parents and siblings, you can't help but realize how fortunate you are. 
This year, we found ourselves reminiscing about when we were young.  Now the all of my cousins have hit 20 and beyond, we are cherishing that time together even more.  Both sets of my grandparents have passed away, 3 of the 4 when I was young.  On my dad's side, I don't even remember my grandfather.  But we did spend some time remembering my grandmother.  She was such a great grandmom.  It's funny, how as a child you are lucky to really only see and remember the best stuff.  I know now, as an adult, that life with my grandmother wasn't always rosy, but with her grandkids - WOW! We have nothing but good memories.  Granny Jackie had this cool house with a rock garden.  Yep, a rock garden, and we used to look for rocks that she would use in it! She also had a sun bed in her bathroom.  It wasn't a tanning bed, but a little alcove that you laid in when you got out of the bath to dry off.  And she had all our heights measured out on the door frame at the top of her steps. 
It hit me this year that we are starting to make those memories for our children.  My sister has one kid and my cousin has a one year old now.  Hopefully we'll be adding more to the mix in the coming year.  And we are making those memories.  Our kids will remember spending those special Thanksgivings at my aunts house where my uncle refers to the women as "womenfolk" and pretends we have our "place" in the kitchen.  They'll remember my dad sitting out on the porch smoking his pipes enjoying the quiet.  They'll remember looking at the leaves and squirrels and acorns with my mom and my aunt.  They'll remember being on a cooking team to help prepare the Thanksgiving meal.  They'll laugh about the games we play on the Friday after Thanksgiving, or the movie we choose to go see.  They'll read books and play ping pong and take more pictures than they dreamed possible.  And then years from now, they'll say, "Remember when we used to ..." 
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the things going on around us and the logistics of how we'll make things happen, that we don't really enjoy the things that are happening.  This road to our adoption has seemed long and slow to me, but there has been so much encouragement and love that paved the way for us.  We will be able to look back on this time and say, "Remember when it was just us and we hoped and prayed so hard to fill our home..." 
So, I want to continue this time making memories and savoring the laughs we have.  If there's one thing my family is great at, it's laughing.  And who wouldn't want to remember that.