I have kind of wondered where to take this blog now that our "journey" to adoption is technically over. We are on a whole new journey of course, but the original purpose of this blog was to keep people up to speed on where we were with the adoption. I'll start with that... we have our baby :-) The next step is finalization. We have not received our court date yet, but typically that is about three months from placement. We have spent the last month getting to know our girl, going to doctor's appts, visiting friends and family, and even squeezing in a vacation! It has been a very busy and exciting time.
I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about next and on my heart has been the topic of bonding. I have heard so many mothers say. "I loved him/her the instant I saw her." I wondered how it would be adopting. If this was a book or movie then I would say, "As soon as we saw her we knew she was our baby." That is just not the case though. Maybe because we were so gun-shy from the last time, but it took a while to really bond with Kaylin. Now, don't get me wrong, we loved her immediately, but it was love in the same way that I love the babies my friends all have. Each day we visited her in the hospital was great, but we both really looked forward to bringing her home and feeling truly like she belonged with us. I can't say when it hit me exactly. I remember a couple of times in the first couple of weeks feeling like, wow, this is really it, she is really my daughter. But it wasn't something that hit me all over. I think it was about two weeks in that I was just overcome with that feeling of love and something else. It was completely all consuming. But it came and went. And for the next few weeks I felt it more and more. It was such a gradual thing. One night, looking at that face, I just realized that she was all I had ever wanted. Or more to the point, all I wanted right then.
I was curious how Mark felt about her and all that we had gone through. The daddy perspective is not something that we hear because boys/men are not conditioned to talk about how they feel. But they have their rare moments, and he shared that he felt a lot like I had. He didn't love her all at once, but it was so gradual, that once it happened it almost over took him. He had moments that he didn't think would phase him hit really hard. K stayed two nights with her grandparents while we were at the beach. They really wanted to keep her and I was so hesitant, but Mark kept saying how good it would be for us to get some full nights sleep! In the end I gave in, though not without tears! I trust my in-laws completely. Watching her go was not fear of what would happen but just missing the little face that had become part of my daily life. Mark said it hit him more than he even thought.
At this point, 5 weeks into our life with Kaylin, we are completely smitten and completely in her hands. No matter how late she keeps us up, no matter how often she needs to eat, sleep, poop, we are pretty much at her disposal. I often wondered if a mother really sees how her child looks or if no matter what, she thought her own baby was beautiful. Now I know, YES! No matter what has gone on, how the relationship came about, what the baby looks like, mothers and fathers, once bonded, it's like cement. Everything we do is for this little girl. When she actually looks at us and waves those little arms, our hearts just melt. What a great gift God has given us, that love between parents and children.
So, for other adoptive parents, or possibly even birth parents, bonding may not be like in the movies. Everyone loves babies, but there will come a moment, or a series of moments when you realize that you would give anything for the child.
