People keep asking me if I am excited about how close we are getting. Generally, I give them the answer they want --yes. But truthfully, I can't say excited is the feeling. My best friend asked me how I was feeling and I said anxious. In response, she gave me all the mother-to-be anxiousness thoughts. But truthfully, none of those feelings have hit me yet. And talking to Mark, none of them have hit him either. Right now, we are are much more anxious about the reality of the situation we are in. Will it go through? Will the birth mother change her mind? In a month, will we be parents???
So many of our very best friends have been through the "normal" process to becoming parents. But we are travelling a different path. It is hard to say to your best friends, "I have no idea what you are talking about". But the truth is, we don't, and neither do they. Thankfully, we have such wonderful friends that they have all done everything they can to understand what we feel and what we are going through. And I thank God for that every day. Not everyone can say they have friends like we do. But, man, our friends, they are amazing.
But, for all those going through a non-traditional approach to starting a family -- it's non-traditional. We don't feel the normal parent-to-be anxiousness because we are not there yet. We are still in the "we hope this actually happens" phase. My worries include: will she follow through with this adoption? How will this relationship work after the baby is born? Will we be the parents she wants for her baby? How will we handle it if she changes her mind?
The last question seems pessimistic, but to me, it is realistic. At no point should I let that question go because I have to prepare my heart for that possibiltiy. Only God knows what is planned for that baby.
I recognize that every mother faces the fears of something going wrong. However, my fears are that something I will say or do might cause our birth mother to change her mind.
I know what good parents Mark and I would be. But it's not up to us.
I guess the end to this blog is a call to prayer. I ask for all my friends and family to pray that our birth mother makes the best decision for her and the baby, that the baby continues to grow and be healthy, and that we accept the plan that God has for us.
We love and appreciate all the prayers and support we have had through our journey. I know that all the mothers out there will recognize my desires and I hope will pray a special prayer for me. Thank you!! We love you all for accompanying us on this journey.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Ultrasounds, registering, there's a baby coming!
Wow!! The last couple of weeks have been incredibly busy. I finished grad school (still waiting on one grade to make it official) and will be graduating in a week. YIPPEE! That relief has been amazing. On top of that we have had some fun baby things happen. We got to see an ultrasound of Baby Jax a couple of weeks ago. It was absolutely amazing, seeing our little guy right there on the screen. He is weighing in at 5 lbs 4 oz right now and they expect him to be over 8 lbs when he is born. I like a big baby :-)
Earlier this week I went and registered at Babies 'R' Us and holy cow. First of all, it took 3 hours to complete the registering process. I had no idea it would be so involved, but with the help of Melissa and her list, I got over 200 things on that registry. We scanned everything from bottles to cups to diapers to a jogging stroller, you name it, I think I registered for it! I was just looking over the registry again tonight and making some adjustments.
At this point, I think we are both excited but still a little ... I don't know the word. We know he's coming, we have prepared the room, our families, our hearts, but it's very surreal. We have spent over 12 years together, just the two of us and our little fur babies. And one day in January, BAM, there will be a little person in our lives -- forever! People keep telling me you just can't be ready, no matter what you think and I hope that's right. We are as ready as we can be and God has done so many things in my heart to get me ready for this. I notice little changes in myself all the time now that I NEVER thought would happen! We have always been the go getters, the "let's go out and have fun" people and I just couldn't imagine that changing. But lately I have thought how fun it will be to spend some weekends right here with just us. My friend Heather said to me the other day that I was the only person she knew of that had to have a baby to slow down :-) Probably the truest statement yet!
So, we are enjoying this time of year, the decorations, the parties, the friends and family... and we are enjoying our last year as a two person family.
On another note, my friend April is expecting her baby in March! She got matched up with a birth mother last month also and they are really excited. In January, we will be helping her to raise money for her adoption costs. We are so familiar with the stress and worry that comes along with preparing for an adoption. And our friends and families were so supportive of us and we hope to do the same for someone else. She has started blogging to share her story and when it is up and running I"ll link to her page. She has a story to tell and we hope and pray it has a happy beginning!! Be on the lookout for that and I'll try to be more diligent about my blogging now that I have some time. I do plan to keep blogging once Jax is here for those who like to get a glimpse into the lives of others!!
Earlier this week I went and registered at Babies 'R' Us and holy cow. First of all, it took 3 hours to complete the registering process. I had no idea it would be so involved, but with the help of Melissa and her list, I got over 200 things on that registry. We scanned everything from bottles to cups to diapers to a jogging stroller, you name it, I think I registered for it! I was just looking over the registry again tonight and making some adjustments.
At this point, I think we are both excited but still a little ... I don't know the word. We know he's coming, we have prepared the room, our families, our hearts, but it's very surreal. We have spent over 12 years together, just the two of us and our little fur babies. And one day in January, BAM, there will be a little person in our lives -- forever! People keep telling me you just can't be ready, no matter what you think and I hope that's right. We are as ready as we can be and God has done so many things in my heart to get me ready for this. I notice little changes in myself all the time now that I NEVER thought would happen! We have always been the go getters, the "let's go out and have fun" people and I just couldn't imagine that changing. But lately I have thought how fun it will be to spend some weekends right here with just us. My friend Heather said to me the other day that I was the only person she knew of that had to have a baby to slow down :-) Probably the truest statement yet!
So, we are enjoying this time of year, the decorations, the parties, the friends and family... and we are enjoying our last year as a two person family.
On another note, my friend April is expecting her baby in March! She got matched up with a birth mother last month also and they are really excited. In January, we will be helping her to raise money for her adoption costs. We are so familiar with the stress and worry that comes along with preparing for an adoption. And our friends and families were so supportive of us and we hope to do the same for someone else. She has started blogging to share her story and when it is up and running I"ll link to her page. She has a story to tell and we hope and pray it has a happy beginning!! Be on the lookout for that and I'll try to be more diligent about my blogging now that I have some time. I do plan to keep blogging once Jax is here for those who like to get a glimpse into the lives of others!!
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