I'm Having Their Baby - tv show review

Now that we are post-placement, I was able to watch a few episodes of I'm Having Their Baby on Oxygen or Lifetime or some other lady channel.  My first impression was that it was a pretty good interpretation of the side of the birth mothers.  Upon further thought and inspection, there are definitely some issues that really get my goat.  First, it seems that most episodes have two stories, one inevitably backs out of the adoption, the other follows through.  This gives the impression that 50% of birth mothers back out.  Okay, not true.  One of the first things our Greenville attorney told us was that there is about a 10% interruption rate.  Even if that is on the low end, it is no where near 50%.  I could not bring myself to watch the show prior to getting our sweet Kaylin and thank God!! How disheartening for an adoptive parent to see so many birth mothers changing their minds.
The second really irritating thing was the people surrounding the birth mothers and the "advice" they give them.  In our first adoption plan, we heard after the fact that the birth mother had a lot of people in her ear giving her bad advice.  This show epitomizes that!! One episode in particular showed a girl planning to place her child for adoption and she and the father go to talk to his mother.  The mother proceeds to tell them that God doesn't make mistakes and she just thinks they should find a way to make it work. Her mother had 10 kids and she kept every one of them.  Oh my blood was boiling.  At what point do you want to end the cycle.  I think it is totally admirable for a person to make sacrifices to keep their children.  I also think it is completely selfless to realize that no matter how many sacrifices you make, it might not be the life you want your child to live.  God certainly doesn't make mistakes, but He allows people to.  And thank goodness! Otherwise how many parents would never be parents?? These people say they are supporting their friends, sisters, daughters, but what they are really doing is judging.  I know that I am on the other side of the issue, but how can  you judge a person who wants a better life for a child and for themselves for future children.  All of the women on the show are doing the best they can.  I know that some people make the right decision in keeping their children, but the reasons for the adoption are still there.
So, to end this tv show review, I am on the fence.  I will keep watching because I am fascinated by these stories.  But if any of you know someone facing this very difficult decision, please keep in mind that it is a really hard place for a person to be and supporting them doesn't have to mean you give advice or judge.  It just means you stand by them and listen.

In the club

If you are a girl, at some point in your life, there has been a club or group that you wanted to be a part of.  It might have been a group in high school or a sorority in college.  If you are like me, once you got your mind set to be in the club, that was the focus, how to get in.  You might have even decided you really disliked the girls already in the club at some point because you weren't a part of it.  Well, as an adult, that club was motherhood for me.  For a long time I didn't want to be in the club.  I was perfectly happy teaching all my babies and then sending them home.  Even as friends started having their own kids, I still was not convinced that club was for me.  I was in the "let's be able to go and do as we please" club and I liked it.  Mark and I did a lot of fun things, going out, travelling, paying off debts we acquired as young, dumb kids.  Then, I started to get the bug.  Maybe the motherhood club was something I should look into.  I did some "research".  I watched friends, family, coworkers, to see how they handled being in the club and still having a life.  As time went on, I decided I wanted to be in the club.  Mark and I discussed and decided we were ready to join.  So we did what most people do, we thought once we decided to join, we would get in right away.  Truth be told, once I set my mind to things, I was used to getting my way.  If I wanted to be in the club, then I would get in.  And as you all know from following my blog and being in our lives, we hit a hard reality. Simply wanting it wouldn't make it so.  I went through those phases where I didn't like the members of the club, pretty much because I couldn't get in.  Friends were all joining and speaking their secret club language.  It was difficult time! 

But as we have finally been initiated into the club it is so gratifying.  I can use the secret club language, I learned the handshake (it is pretty much try to find the other person's hand while they laugh at your bloodshot, dark circled eyes), and we have enjoyed every minute of it.  It sounds like a silly comparison, but motherhood/parenthood is a club.  When you are not in, you are very aware of it.  You notice all those around  you who are in it.  You tune out of club business conversations, and even at times feel like that is all that being discussed.  Then once you make it in, you get to participate! You have things to contribute!

What I learned from being out of the club for so long is that there is life outside the club.  While we definitely enjoy every aspect of parenting so far, I am very conscious of those around me who are not in the club.  Some have not joined by choice, others by circumstance, but regardless, there is something to be said for recognizing those who have other things going on.  I hope that as time goes on, I will continue to be aware of my conversations, social media posts, etc.  Just because she is the center of our lives doesn't negate what our friends and family all have going on.  We love our girl, but I still want to talk about other stuff, hear about other news, and see other pictures.  Still, though, I am totally thrilled to be in the club finally!!

A week into the dream

Kaylin Lee Mixon
Weight: 6.1 lbs


Wow! It has been a week since we brought our sweet Kaylin home! And what a week.  We have entertained numerous friends and family at our house and even ventured out on a couple of outings to see others.  Things are going well and we are all adjusting.  It is still surreal, having her home.  One day we didn't have a baby, then BAM, the next day we did! But it was the best BAM :) K came home on a 3 hour eating schedule and sleeping really well.  We have managed to stick with the feeding, but the sleeping seems to be not going as well.  I have heard numerous thoughts on the subject - spoiling babies.  We know how important it is to bond with baby and help her to feel loved and at home.  So we have loved on her and held her and it is wonderful.  I could snuggle her 24/7.  But it is getting more difficult for her to sleep in her big crib by herself after being held all day! We are doing what most parents do, figuring out what will work, one night at a time.  We have bumped up the thermostat, dressed her more warmly, tried swaddling and not swaddling.  Tonight's trick will be getting some music and white noise playing for her.
Overall, we are loving being parents.  Mark has been super busy at work, but he comes home and spends time with K.  He does the 2am feeding, so I take the 11pm and the 5am, and usually any wake ups in between.  It has worked well, and if we can get her back to sleeping at night, it will be even better.  So many people have visited us and brought gifts and food, it has been awesome.  I have learned that the best thing you can give a new mommy is a meal!
I am really enjoying dressing this sweet girl up in her outfits.  She is still so tiny, she only fits in newborn and premie clothes, but she has plenty to grow into.  We did her newborn pics and those turned out so great.  I have to sit down and order some, then figure out what frames to put them in! It is probably time I changed out some pictures in our house anyways.
So now we continue to adjust to this brand new little life.  In two weeks we will head to the beach, our annual trip to Edisto.  We are really looking forward to that.  With so many friends and baby sitters at hand, it will be a great week.  K doesn't have to go back to the doctor until her two month check up in July.  We do go for her follow up eye exam on Friday and her head and hip scans on Wednesday of next week.  The scans are normal for babies who are breach.  The eye exam is a follow up because her initial one show up premature, which makes sense because she is premature!!

Our Gotcha Day - Tuesday, June 11

Today began as any other summer day... woke up, hit the gym, came home.  Then I began all the last minute preps for what would be the biggest event since our wedding - our Gotcha Day! I think my previous blog gave a brief overview of what went on so I will try to go into more detail now.  

     We responded to a Bethany recruitment email about two and a half weeks ago about a baby that was already born.  She was small and needing a family.  We read through, discussed, and decided to go for it.  So we responded yes.  Then we got a response saying we were one of 10 families who were interested.  We received more info on the baby's medical status and the mother. Once again, we read, discussed, and I just felt this tugging.  I knew this was the one.  Now, I will say I still had doubts.  There were some things we were concerned about and I was worried.  But I just knew we needed to say yes.  I still didn't think that meant we were getting her, but I knew we should say yes.  So we did! We received an email saying we were one of 5 families.  They would let us know when the mother chose.  And so life went on.  I began our last week of school, enjoying time with the kids and my coworkers.  All the while waiting, really I totally expected to get the email that said a family had been chosen.  I have come to some realizations over the last week through all this.  I have always trusted God's plan.  I didn't necessarily like it, but I trusted it.  I still struggled though with the idea that God answers prayers and God has a plan.  It didn't make sense to me that he would have a plan but He would answer your specific prayers.  Well, let me tell you. I have realized that God's plan may not be set in stone.  These are just my thoughts, so keep that in mind.  But when we got the phone call Thursday that the birth mother had chosen us AND she had already signed the papers, I was like "HALLELUIAH!" That is EXACTLY what I prayed for.  And I realized that God does answer our prayers, but He does it in a way that will work the best for His plan.  I am probably not saying this the way I hear it in my head, but I am trying! 

     So anyways, we found out Thursday and by Friday we were able to start visiting her in the hospital.  She was moved out of NICU into the regular nursery.  We went up for a couple of hours each day through the weekend until yesterday.  Then we signed the placement papers and attended a CPR class today.  The sweet nurses at the hospital took such great care of her and of us when we were there.  We came home this afternoon and Kaylin got to meet her grandparents on both sides, her Uncle Matt, and her Aunt Melissa and Brooks.  There are so many people eager to meet her and get some loving and we are so excited to share her.  She is amazing and adorable and we are so very blessed.  We will continue to thank God every day for everything we have been through that led us to this day.  I know the trials aren't over... we have just entered a new phase of trials and adventures and we look forward to all of them!

The phone call that changed our summer-- written Sunday

As I wrapped up the school year this week, my mind was racing with all I needed to do to finish and all I needed to do to get summer started! Each summer I do some tutoring and host book clubs for my former students to keep them reading and spend more time with them.  Then on Thursday (June 6), I got the phone call that would change all those plans.
     I will give all the back story later, but for now I just want to share the good news :) Our social worker from Bethany called to tell me that a birth mother had chosen us to be parents to her baby.  Not only that, but she had already signed relinquishment papers!! This was what we had been praying for.  The baby was here, the papers were signed, and there was no going  back! It was the best, weirdest feeling.  I got to tell Mark that we were chosen and we talked through some of the information.  The baby had been born premature a month earlier.  She was in the NICU and the next 24 hours were spent with me finishing up school with my kiddos and us getting things in line to go visit our baby!
      The hardest part of the whole thing was the waiting.  It is now Sunday and we we have been up to see the baby twice.  She is in the regular nursery and she is doing so well.  We are trying so hard to keep a lid on the news.  We have shared with our families and a few friends, but part of what we are looking forward to is letting the families and friends know about baby Kaylin but just showing up with her!
     Kaylin is currently 5lbs 7oz and she is eating all on her own.  She was born May 5 and weighed 3lbs 6ozs.  So she is gaining weight so well.  Yesterday they took out her feeding tube and she has to keep gaining weight through the weekend.  If she does well, they can discharge her Monday or Tuesday.  And then the fun begins :-)
We can't wait to introduce everyone to Kaylin Lee Mixon.  I will end this blog entry by saying that God is so good.  After all we have been through, I have prayed and prayed for us to get a baby that was already here, papers signed, and that is just what God gave us.  What an amazing Lord we have!!