The morning of...

Today has the potential to the be the best day of our lives, the day we have waited for, worked towards, prayed for, hoped for... and it has the potential to absolutely heartbreaking.  Right now, we are waiting for the phone call that our birth mother is ready to sign the papers relinquishing custody of her baby.  I posted a blog several months ago when the realization hit me that our joy would be someone else's heartache, and we have witnessed this first hand the last two days.
On Wednesday, at 10:07am our precious little baby entered this world.  It was not without some drama, either.  Even through a c-section, he was not so easily brought into the world.  The birth mother experienced a LOT of discomfort as nurses had to push him out of her and they had to use the "vacuum" to pull him out.  He has a nice sized circular bruise on his head from that.  But he finally joined us and I was so lucky to be able to watch the whole thing and be the first little finger he held.  As they rolled him to the nursery, I watched them clean him up, check his stats, and I just stayed with him.  My mom, sister, and husband watched through the glass.  We all had the same feelings, so much joy, but still that little portion in our heads and hearts that is holding out.
The last two days have been extremely difficult.  We sat in a room with a little bundle of joy, but knowing that nothing was certain.  Our birth mother was open to friends and family visiting, but she was absolutely exhausted of course.  I knew this, but it was so hard for us to leave the baby.  We knew that every time we left, she was snuggling and loving him.  That just scared the daylights out of us and broke my heart, both for her and for us.  Yesterday, we had plans to stay up there as long as possible, until our social worker called me and said we needed to leave.  She said that our birth mother was having a really difficult time, and while she wouldn't tell us how she felt, the social workers were speaking for her.  It was all stuff I knew, but I cried.  We packed our things up and headed out, knowing that if we saw him again, it would mean he was coming home with us.
So here we are, the morning of the day that could change everything for us.  Mark is vacuuming, I am blogging, sister suggested some wine to calm the nerves :) I am pretty sure I should go for a run to work these nerves out.  We have continued to have more love, support, and prayers coming our way that we could have ever imagined.  I know this is repeating myself, but if you ever find yourself in the position where you are the recipients of so much support, you will be floored too.  Our friends, coworkers, families, everyone has rallied around us throughout all of this journey.  We know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect.  We also know that He doesn't promise life will be easy or free of tribulations, only that He promises to be there with us through everything.  So no matter what happens, we both know that it is for the best and there is a reason.
I also want to say this, watching our birth mother over the last two days has been so hard because she is not "giving up" this baby because she doesn't want him.  There is no question in my mind how much she loves him and would love to keep him.  She is making this decision in his best interests.  So if she does change her mind, then I know he will be in a loving environment.  It won't be with us, but I won't worry about him.
Hopefully the next blog I write will be describing the joy that the rest of this day brings us.  Thank you all for supporting us!! WE LOVE YOU!